Elvis Presley was nothing more than an advanced hi-tech 3D hologram! That's the extraordinary claim being made tonight by Tennesee Hobo, Duke Winchester.
"Ah knew the evil mastermind behind the scam" says the gap-toothed woodsman. "It was Gashon the Green One, from the planet Halesowen" insists the complete arse of a slack-jawed oaf.
When we pressed him for more details Duke told us:
"Back in '56 I was a friend of this kid called Elvis Presley. One night we was walkin' home from a hoedown when all of a sudden he was took up into a spacecraft by a bright light.
Two minutes later his body, burnt to a cinder, was thrown out onto the ground and I though that that was that. But 'n three months later he appears on TV lookin' mighty fine and singin' up a storm.
You boys from England may well laugh, but 'n ask yourselves this. How comes he never went to England? I'll tell you why. There weren't any special projectors in England that could beam his image onto a stage. It's only now that you have the technology to be able to do it. Look at that show about Frank Sinatra that was on in London until recently"
Colonel Tom Parker was unavailable for comment today as he died in 1997 but it's believed that had he still been alive then he would have poo-pooed this preposterous story.
