Written by Ossurworld

Thursday, 11 April 2013

In an offseason when the New England Patriots looked like a gutted fish, they surprised a few free agents by re-signing Julian Edelman.

Known as a poor man's Wes Welker, he had a short one game run as the alleged replacement of Welker. By starting Edelman over Welker, rumor has it, the notion sent Welker into a spiral of fury. Everyone denies it until the retirement biographies start appearing.

Welker has gone to the Rocky Mountain high, leaving Edelman at sea level. Whether the clone can be sent in or left out will be answered in the upcoming season.

A few tarnished reputations will rest on the performance Edelman gives under game conditions. If Josh McDaniels has designs on moving upward from Offensive Coordinator, he may want Julian to be a jewel in the crown.

Everyone hopes he has returned his fake sheriff badge with the other 911 costume paraphernalia. Who can forget his arrest for a Halloween trick? In the words of Goldhat, "He don't need no stinkin' badges."

If memory serves correct, Edelman beat that rap, but whether he can beat the rap that he is a pale copy of Welker may be a tougher print.
Edelman did window-shopping out on the other coast and closer to home in New York. No offers were tendered, and the Patriots did not short-sheet him as they did to Welker.

Somebody up there likes Julian much more than Wes. For the well-being of the star QB, Mr. Brady, we hope prayers are answered.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
65 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more