Boston's Slob of the Year: Tyler Seguin

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Thursday, 10 January 2013

Tyler Seguin, handsome young 20-year-old star of the Boston Bruins, has faced the music on Twitter. He denies he is a slob, deemed such by an international panel of housemaids.

In one of the dirtiest scandals of the strike-laden months of hockey, a Swiss newspaper used a Swiss Army knife on Tyler Seguin and revealed the dark underbelly of his apartment living in Europe.

Featuring banana peels artfully placed around his apartment, Tyler learned how to skate and to avoid hazards during his time abroad.

The dirtiest stories centered on his laundered salary. Much of coinage he dropped was left where it rolled on the floor. Tyler was not going to waste time bending over for a penny or sou. He was holding out for the big bucks.

Seguin reportedly was challenged and speared by his encounters with the dishwasher. After filling the machine with all the Limoges china at his disposal, he was unable to bring himself to turn it on, fearing breakage. Thereafter, he used the national china of Canada-paper plates and cups.

One shocking revelation was that Tyler tried to wash his dirty undies in the dryer, being unable to turn on the washing machine.
This charge caused Seguin to take to Twitter in strong denial. He noted that he did his own laundry-and only had to call his mother twice.

Astute hockey insiders translate this to mean he did his laundry twice in Europe-and had clean undies sent regularly from the homeland.

An army of Swiss cleaners took a full day to tidy up after the Bruins star, which may be indicative of how great the problem had grown. How can one player, used to working on a team, be expected to keep an entire apartment spic and span?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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