Russell Brand Denies The Existence of A Kate Gosselin Sex Tape

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

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Kate Gosselin, 37, has denied any knowledge of any so-called sex tape of her and Russell Brand.

LOS ANGELES - Russell Brand came into Kate Gosselin's life right after she had been dumped by American Idol's Steven Tyler.

Brand provided Kate with two shoulders on which to lean on and he allowed her to express to him the horrendous hurt she was feeling after having Tyler, a man who is 27 years older than her, end their May-December relationship.

Kate and "Lips," as Tyler is known in the music world, had a lot in common. Both loved eating pretzels dipped in apricot jelly, both knew all of the words to the Gettysburg Address, and both thought that Barbara Walters lisp was fake.

But Tyler soon tired of, as he put it, Gosselin's band of eight heathens (her kids).

He noted that they were probably more disrespectful than even Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's half dozen youngsters.

Tyler did admit that Cuddle Muffin, as he affectionately referred to Kate, was the best girlfriend that he had ever had.

Bedroom Pillow Talk's Gazebo Serengeti asked Tyler what exactly made the 37-year-old Mrs. Gosselin the best horizontal tangoer he'd ever had.

He smiled and replied that there were actually four things, but he was blushing so much that he could not compose himself long enough to reveal them.

Russell, who dated Kate a couple of weeks after Tyler dumped her, was asked about the so-called infamous Cabo Sex Tape, which was reportedly taken on one of their visits down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

The 37-year-old Brand started coughing so hard he almost spilled his bottle of Johnny Walker Red.

He stated that he had heard about the Cabo Sex Tape on the entertainment news programs Tittle Tattle Tonight and iRumors, but pointed out that he personally has never seen it, if it does in fact exist.

SIDENOTE: Calls to The Millions & Millions of Sex Tapes Rental Store in West Hollywood proved fruitless and the only tape they had with Russell Brand included him and a woman who was clearly not Kate Gosselin.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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