Written by Ossurworld

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Red Sox pitcher John Lackey looks like a sluggish starter on the surface, but his opulent home belongs in the world of Britney Spears and Jay-Z.

Realtor.com has posted photos of the mansion, now for sale for a cool $10,000,000 (that's in the millions).

In the dugout Lackey does not look like a man who needs his space, but this hacienda style house borders on barn-wide breathing room.

As far as taking away breath, business and gossip sites have featured the dubious Red Sox starter's interior decorating sense--or ability to hire one. People may begin to wonder why he spent the entire season traveling with the team on the disabled list when he could have been home in Newport, California, living la vida loca.

The house looks in on its own atrium, and aside the house is not a mound to be found, unless you count the putting green.

With the Red Sox dumping almost as much salary as the Florida Marlins, you'd think Lackey would be worried about his mortgage payments. Perhaps that is why he has put this love-nest on the market.

The outdoor pool overlooks the outdoor ocean. The bar has a view that would be the envy of Boston's Cheers. The high ceilings would be a challenge for Michelangelo, but apparently this is either too little or too much for John Lackey.

It will go to the highest bidder before Mother Nature dumps it into the Pacific some night when a stunning sunset dazzles Lackey as he reaches the sunset of his career. You'd have a great view of a tsunami from the balcony.

If Lackey is downsizing in preparation for a demotion to the bullpen, we understand completely.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Red Sox, John Lackey

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
97 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more