Ashley Olsen said she is jealous of Kim Kardashian

Funny story written by Evil

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

image for Ashley Olsen said she is jealous of Kim Kardashian
Ashley Olsen said she wants to look like Kim Kardashian

According to the media, Ashley Olsen is jealous of Kim Kardashian's body because Kim has a feminine figure.

Olsen said she wants to get plastic surgery to enlarge her breast, widen her hips and enlarge her buttocks, so she could look more like Kim Kardashian and guys could take notice of her. She wants to lower her cheek bones and make her lips a bit fuller. Olsen said she is tired of looking bizzare.

Ashley is very comical and she is always making fun of herself to make people laugh. She told E-entertainment that her body reminds people of Alice the Goon from the old Popeye cartoons. E-entertainment reporter, Chris Timberlake laughed.

"Ashley knows how to bring out her best even when she is always looking her worst," said Timberlake.

Olsen admits that she covers up her unattractive body with fashion clothing to make herself more appealing. "A flower has to look colorful to attract the bees." said Olsen.

Her best friend said that Olsen likes making people laugh by showing them her big scary eyes and she said that Olsen would like to do stand up comedy sometime in the future.

On her spare time she practices the imitation call of a cuckoo bird while bobbing her head back and forth and she admits she smokes five packs a day to keep up with the Kardashians.

Her best friend secretly read Ashley Olsen's diary, and she said that Olsen has a passage in her diary where she says that she is very positive she is related to the Queen of England because she has the same big ears and feet as the Queen.

Olsen claims her imaginary friend named prince Trent did things to her when she was younger to turn her into an elf princess. She admits she suffers from hallucinations and takes medication.

Ashley Olsen said she made her cousin Serena Williams the winning tennis player she is today with advice.

She advised her cousin Serena to use mental warfare against her tennis opponents, by giving them a smirk after she hit's an ace. Olsen told Serena to show excitement by pumping her fist after a winning shot, to make the opponents feel they are not capable of winning, this making them nerves and forces them to make mistakes. Yelling hard while hitting a winning shot shows her power and confuses the opponents.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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