Ray Allen: Fugitive from the Law of Averages

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Sunday, 27 May 2012

Doc Rivers called Ray Allen an "ultimate gunslinger" after the series with the Sixers ended.

What the coach was telling fans was to never count out one of the Dirty Dozen, or is that one of the Magnificent Seven? We always confuse our shooting heroes.

Ray may be on his last leg, or last ankle, but the leading three-point shooter in NBA history, even on a bad night, is likely to hit the bullseye when it counts.

Old character actor Walter Brennan used to hobble around on one leg in his Westerns. Then, again, he usually hobbled around with no teeth in his head. Like the Old Man in Treasure of Sierra Madre, Ray Allen is not a trifle, but a shooter with a rifle.

Ray does not have to do an imitation of John Wayne to win the games, but he does a fairly mean Steve McQueen. He'll bring in the Heat dead or alive.

Some fans speculate that Ray is heading for the last roundup, or at least to another team next season.

In the meantime, the sunset is not yet upon the Celtics. There are a few mangy young hotshots still hanging around the old corral in Miami, waiting for a chance to outdraw the old gunfighter.

In the heyday of the Western, the fastest draw in the movies was Audie Murphy. He used to call himself a "fugitive from the law of averages." Audie was a recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor.

Looking at Ray Allen in the past few years, playing like a teenager until the bone spurs rankled him, we keep thinking he too has been a fugitive from average statistics.

The Celtics need to keep him around. He still has to play out the series like he was in To Hell and Back, or at least as Marshal Kane in High Noon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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