Eurovision song contest will be won by a mime act

Funny story written by IainB

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

image for Eurovision song contest will be won by a mime act
Swedish mime act, Hands Only

It was calculated that the Eurovision Song Contest for 2012 would be won by Sweden due to the way countries vote for each other. The mathematical formula for calculating the winner is freely available, and has correctly predicted seven of the last five Eurovision winners.

"I put in the details," said formula creator, Sven Yentob, "and out popped Sweden. The formula is obviously being used by a lot of people, because Sweden are leading the betting odds and are favourites to win. This positive feedback goes into the equation, making them even stronger favourites."

Forearmed with the knowledge that they are sure fire winners, Sweden have not bothered to write a song for this year's contest, and instead have put forward a mime act.

"Hands Only, is a spectacular mime show," said Eurovision bosses, "and there's nothing in the rules that say that countries have to sing, or play instruments. There has been an acapella group one year, so no intruments, and nobody complained. Another year saw an instrumental piece, and again, nobody complained. Therefore, we see nothing wrong in somebody submitting an entry without singing or instrument playing."

Despite the knowledge that there will be no words from the Swedish act, Norway have already indicated that they will be sending over twelve points, as will Estonia, Finland, Russia and Ireland - who have a big contract with Ikea. With a guaranteed sixty points before a note has been sung, or indeed, mimed, Sweden are looking good for their win.

"We're prepared for a Swedish win," said Phil Lucky, a bookie from Northampton. "We'll make enough money off the other acts to cover a Swedish win. An Englebert Hunperdink win for England would be the biggest hit, as he has astronomical odds, doing an English song and all."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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