Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 3 October 2011

image for Jessica Simpson Texted Tony Romo: "Hey Fella, Remember When You Dumped Me The Day Before My Birthday!"
Jessica Simpson photographed after watching the Cowboys lose a commanding 24 point lead. (Photo by Eric Johnson).

HOLLYWOOD - Jessica Simpson proved the old adage that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Simpson has still not forgotten when her then boyfriend Dallas Quarterback Tony "Oops" Romo broke up with her the day before her 29th birthday back on July 12, 2009.

Jessica said that she still recalls tasting her own tears on her birthday cake and to this day she starts shaking and actually breaks out in hives whenever she hears anyone singing the "Happy Birthday" song.

Simpson said she was watching the Cowboy's latest game and saw the Tony Romo-led Dallas Cowboys squander away a 24 point third quarter lead and end up losing the game to the Detroit Lions 34-30.

Every sports reporter in the country called it the worst overall collapse of a Dallas Cowboy team in the history of the franchise which goes back to 1960...51 years!

Jessica spoke with Pia Confetti of The El Lay Informer and said that she watched the game with her fiancé Eric Johnson, a former NFL football player, and both of them were grinning from ear-to-ear.

Simpson said viewing the game brought back some mean-spirited memories of when she was Tony's girlfriend and the Cowboy fans and Cowboy players were calling her derogatory names like "The Dishwater Blonde Jinx," "The California Curse Creature," "The Hollywood Hoodoo Woman," and "Evil Spell Simpson."

Jessica confided to Confetti that two years later she still vividly recalls how bad she felt when she received a phone call from Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones telling her that he wanted for her to stop bothering Romo because he was not concentrating on football and was throwing way too many interceptions and was fumbling the ball way too much.

She recalls asking Jones if Tony was six-years-old or what? Jones replied that he did not understand her question. She laughed and then asked him if he understood what the initials "F.O." stood for?"

"Fernwood, Ohio?" Jones asked.


"Fruitvale, Oregon?"


"Fairfax, Oklahoma?" Jones offered.

Simpson then told him what they stood for and the Cowboys owner exploded. He yelled at her telling her that she was jinxing the team and that if Tony did not stop seeing her that he was going to trade his butt to a damn third rate football league down in Central America.

Jessica told King Jerry the First that he did not have the balls to trade Tony.

Romo stayed with the Cowboys. Jones ate crow. Tony dumped Jessica. Jessica found a new NFL football player. And the Cowboys are currently riding the most horrible roller coaster ride in the team's entire 51-year history.

SIDENOTE: Pia Confetti tried to reach Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to get a comment from him but his wife said that he was locked up in his bedroom muttering lots of words that she said made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
59 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more