Clarkson crashes the Titanic

Funny story written by Big Stu

Saturday, 1 October 2011

image for Clarkson crashes the Titanic
Pearl Harbour, as destroyed by Top Gear's "Mitsubishi Zero Challenge" in Season 4.

Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has today been reprimanded by BBC executives after his attempt to set a new track record in the Titanic ended in disaster earlier today.

Clarkson bought the Titanic, the famous Edwardian liner that sank in 1912, for £1000 from the classified section of the Henley Standard as part of a three-way test to find the best sunken vessel for a grand. Richard Hammond bought the Lusitania from an Irish newspaper and James May bought the Empress of Ireland.

As Clarkson was approaching Chicago, it is thought a poorly welded seam came undone and the Titanic broke into two pieces. Fortunately Mr Clarkson was uninjured as his ego is said to have broken his fall.

Police are now investigating the cause of the accident as it is believed the Titanic was stolen and had been improperly repaired.

"I don't know what happened," Clarkson said. "One minute I was going along perfectly normally, the next I was all over the place. I was doing around twenty knots and coming about as I left the Hammerhead and then I heard a loud crash."

This is not the first time Top Gear have been criticised for poor track safety. In 2007, James May was lucky to escape unharmed when a nuclear submarine he was testing collided with a Renault Espace. This was followed in 2009 by Richard Hammond's famous "Can you buy a second-hand Battlestar for the same price as a Mazda MX-5?" challenge that ended with Lincolnshire being seven feet higher than sea level and a state of emergency declared in Aberdeen.

The BBC had no comment on this latest incident and confirmed only that an investigation is underway.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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