Written by Jaggedone

Thursday, 4 August 2011

image for Shell gives Dyson contract to suck up its mess in Nigeria!
Shell suck and blow and let Dyson do the dirty work!

Oil giant Shell (they're Dutch by the way) has openly admitted that they spilt more oil in Nigeria than there is water in Lake Titicaca and have offered bagless vacuum cleaner giant, Dyson, the job of sucking the place dry.

Dyson are developing giant vacuum cleaners to deal with the massive project, but the only problem is what to do with the waste oil once it has been sucked up?

Shell have promised to assist Dyson all they can and have offered their empty oil wells in the North Sea as a solution (like taking coals to Newcastle really or buckets of sand to Saudi Arabia).

Once the oil has been sucked out of the ground it will be blown into huge oil tankers, taken to off-shore Scotland and blown, with giant Dyson hair-dryers, back down the shafts of disused, empty North Sea oil wells.

Dyson cannot wait to start the multi-billion joint project and Shell would rather pay Dyson than compensate poor Nigerians because after everybody has forgot the disaster, Dyson can suck the oil once more out of the North Sea and Shell can flog it to the Chinese at a profit, hence, killing two birds with one stone, or as environmentalists would say, killing thousands of birds with one stone and making a profit at the same time, clever eh!

After all Shell is Dutch and the Dutch are just like the Scots; tight as a ducks butt!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Oil Spill, Dyson, Shell

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