Written by Elizabeth

Friday, 29 April 2005

image for Boeing Super 74747Planned
2 Airbus A380s yesterday

On the day of the European-built Airbus test-flew its new Super Airbus, Boeing have announced plans for a Super-Duper Boeing 74747.

A Boeing spokesperson, John "Clint" Wayne-Eastwood Jnr said, "So they think they've got something bigger than us... well, no sirree! This'll show that thar rootin' tootin' Euro Trash not to go messin' around with Uncle Sam," then continued to fire a salvo of bullets into the air from a pair of ivory-handled Smith and Westons whilst yelling "Yeee-haaarrrrr!"

Aviation commentators from the world's media were invited to a champagne lunch-and-launch extravaganza, with lasers and everything. On seeing the prototype, which was in fact just a real Boeing 747, the outraged media men (and women) harangued the Boeing spokesperson, "Hey - that's just a real Boeing 747 with an extra 47 in Humbrol paint!". The spokesman replied that it was in fact a 1:1000 scale working model of the new super airliner.

He continued, "The new Super-Duper Boeing 74747 will carry 14.3 million people on 26 flight decks and travel at twice the speed of sound. Flight time from New York to Beijing will be 43 minutes."

"Two new runways are planned, one will run the length of China in order for the aircraft to reach take off speed; the other will extend from London, through most of Wales and onto New York's JFK airport to ensure sufficient time to decelerate after landing."

"This is a groundbreaking concept," continued the spokesman. "We will be able to eliminate hunger in the world overnight by flying whole countries of starving people to the US for Sunday brunch in exchange for local oil and mineral reserves. It'll be easier than invading!"

Relief charities worldwide were sceptical. "Why not fly celebrity chef and pukka geezer Jamie Oliver over to these starving nations," said a middle-class hippy do-gooder. "We are sure he can help them make nutritious meals without impacting on their debt to industrial first world nations?"

Transport entrepreneur, Richard Branson, inventor of sandwich pickle and tubular bells pioneer, was unavailable for comment. "He's in his counting house counting out his money," said a Virgin employee. "He may be sometime."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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