The Chartered Institute for Intentional Duplicity has announced its new Can't Be Arsed award, the CBA.
The award is the successor to the not-so-successful "Success Through Bullshit" trophy, granted to HR Departments paying a minimum £750 bribe to the CIID and untruthfully ticking at least 79 out of 80 boxes relating to personnel management matters, on the application form.
Candidates found the application process too taxing, and so it has been dispensed with and replaced by the CBA, which will given to any business employing a Human Resources Manager. Granting of the award is still subject to payment of a suitable bribe, but the main advantage is that HR Managers will be able to add the letters "CBA" after their name.
Maligna International was the first business to be granted corporate CBA status in Britain. At a conference to mark the launch of the new award Vivien Fatt FCIID CBA, the smooth-talking HR Director of Maligna, told delegates:
"I'm really proud of my CBA status. Our reception area, resplenedent with the polished aluminium-effect plaque instantly convinces visitors that Maligna is somehow better than everyone else. People feel secure and at home in our premises. Most of all, people genuinely believe that HR matters are being managed by someone who really cares about their feelings".
After the speech we asked Mr Fatt if he would hold an interview with us, but he said he couldn't be bothered. When we asked why he has a girl's name, he told us we were suspended pending an investigation into allegations of gross misconduct. Within ten minutes we had been accused of computer fraud and dismissed.
