Written by P.M. Wortham

Monday, 9 November 2009

image for Cadberry and Krafft Close to Merger Agreement
Milk Chocolate filled with Creme Cheese for this Easter.

The two food processing giants are close to formal agreement for merger, says one insider to the negotiations. Working through the last details, executives are close to decisions affecting both companies, including paint colors for the merged office walls and common suppliers for desk chairs and staplers.

"The stapler manufacturer was a huge bargaining position for both companies", says corporate legal advisor to Cadberry, Coco Meltin-Yermoth. "Neither wanted to budge on keeping their preferred supplier, but they settled on Swinglyne."

Other more product centric decisions have already been made, including the combination of flagship products for both companies. Krafft will soon feature their now famous macaroni product with chocolate and the slogan, "The Chocolatiest", while Cadberry will fill their pocketed chocolate bar with cheese instead of caramel.

Distribution and marketing networks will also merge, delivering and featuring Cadberry chocolate products next to Krafft's cheddar in the refrigerated cheese case, and cans of pressurized processed cheese spread in the candy section.

Critics of the merger don't see the synergies in product lines or marketing opportunities. "I mean really, who thinks of mixing cheese and chocolate?" says local chef, Ruta Bega. "Well in a blender maybe, then heated slowly into a Grenache with a touch of cinnamon. Then again, no. Still disgusting all around."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Merger




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