Written by King David

Sunday, 23 December 2007

image for Gypsies find home in American mall kiosks
A male gypsy, "Rasputin" mentally preparing himself for a mind numbing shift at the mall

Rom gypsies who prize enjoyment of life, family, and group loyalty over hard work for the sake of wealth are finding a home this Christmas in American mall kiosks according to veteran gypsy scholar, David Wrangler of the American Gypsy Lore Society.

"This combination of opportunistic venture and access to hoards of gadjo are perfect conditions for the Rom to work their skillful deception," said the meticulously doltish Wrangler.

"The Rom, a band of gypsies having originated in Serbia, Russia and Austria-Hungary, were quite apt as coppersmiths and have been able to adapt this trade to jewelry making in the modern day."

Many Rom find the seasonal contracts of mall kiosks quite amenable with gypsy practices. The shorter contracts also allow the gypsies to get out of town quicker before waves of shoppers come back after Christmas wanting item returns.

"This practice is not fair to the consumer," said Jean Rash president of the American League of Imprudent Buyers. "There needs to be more control over who gets to rent the kiosks."

Mall officials are also concerned about the number of complaints they get from residents living close to the mall who often encounter the Rom in makeshift settlement camps.

The gypsies are often viewed in compromising positions and heard playing musical instruments to all hours of the night.

"They're ruinin' our culture here in the south," said trailer park resident Ronnie Foxworthy. "They make the dogs bark all night and nun of us cain get ain' sleep."

To counter this nocturnal libertine, mall officials are seriously considering giving the mall earlier opening and closing hours, so as to deter gypsies from renting kiosks that would remain unmanned until 10:30 or 11 in the morning because the Rom isn't fond of waking up early.

According to legend, it was a gypsy who was responsible for forging the nails that were used to crucify Christ. For this sin, his descendants were condemned to wander the earth and work in American mall kiosks.

But gypsies tend to flatter themselves more with the story that "God made the 'Busno' (or non-gypsy) out of slime and became so bored with what he had created that he had to create a band of gypsies to liven things up.

Other sects of gypsies are the Ludar from Romania, the Romnichels from England, The 'Black Dutch' out of Germany and the Hungarians who were musicians.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Gypsy

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