Super Pacs Adapt Campaign Tactics for the Common Folk

Funny story written by Paul Blake

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

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Republican Super Pac, Eagles Forever, can help any job candidate.

Washington, DC - Now that the 2012 Presidential campaign is finally over, Super Pacs, those zany organizations that played a major role in funding the candidates, are left wondering what to do.

Then there is Super Fund manager, Carter Deustch of the Republican Super Pac, Eagles Forever, who got the bright idea to use all of the tactics that they had mastered over the last two years and turn them loose for the good of all potential job candidates.

"If you want a job bad enough, we will help you get it." He said. "For the low fee of a thousand dollars a month, we will hound the hell out of any company that you instruct us to." Deustch explained. "We will bombard the place with a flurry of phone calls, a tsunami of emails and spam ads like a plague of locusts. Absolutely no manager will be able to overlook these tactics." He added without blinking.

Deustch's company will also besmirch the reputation of the other job candidates as well. "We go over to the company and ride the elevator at the potential job site, talking all kinds of trash about the other job candidates." He said. " Or we deploy an "accidentally" over heard phone conversation in the bathroom stalls with the targeted manager. We know all the tricks." Said Deustch, smiling slyly. "We call that one, the Carl Rove."

For an extra fee, Deustch's company will put your name on dozens of cardboard signs, sticking them all over the business's front lawn of your choosing. Even going as far to track down the manager's home address and stick signs all over their lawn as well. Now that's service!

"We've got a lot of experience driving people completely up the wall. We will not stop." Said Deustch. "Unless the targeted business gets a restraining order and forces us to stop." He added.

But Deustch thinks that it is more likely that the targeted companies and its' management will take notice in a more positive way, admiring the tenacity of his clients.

"The ball game has changed," pitched Deustch, "and you have got to use every tactic you can think of these days.

We asked Deustch about the fact that his candidate in the Presidential campaign lost, so why should run-of-the-mill folks who are looking of a job, trust him and his company to help find them a one?

Deustch responded, "We took a guy like Mitt Romney and got him over thirty seven million votes, so we're pretty confidant that we can get most ordinary people just one!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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