Written by Skoob1999

Saturday, 27 October 2012

image for Ali Bullo To Remove The 'Big Jimmy' From Kebab Van Menus
You Can't Beat The Feel Of A Big Jimmy In Your Hand

South coast kebab, burger and pizza entrepreneur Ali Bullo today announced that the menu item known as the 'Big Jimmy' is to be discontinued with immediate effect from all of his conveniently located kebab and burger vans.

Market analysts speculated that the removal of the 'Big Jimmy' was a possible reaction to the recent ongoing scandal involving alleged paedo and necrophile, Jimmy Savile.

"The name 'Jimmy' has become a definite no-no in business circles," stockbroker Tom Shilling said from his City office. "So it comes as no surprise to me that Ali Bullo has taken the 'Big Jimmy' off the menu. Jimmy's of any description have completely fallen from grace. I even know people named Jimmy who are so ashamed by the most tenuous of links between their name, and the forty-five degree interred kiddie-fiddler and corpse grappler that they're having their names changed by deed poll. To more respectable Christian names, like Elvis, Gary, or even Jerry Lee. Ali Bullo's a sharp guy, and this is an astute move on his part."

The 'Big Jimmy' - a mix of doner, shish and kofte meats served with a tired looking side salad and lashings of chilli or garlic sauce has previously proved itself to be a staggeringly lucrative menu option throughout the Ali Bullo empire.

Priced at a modest £9.99, the 'Big Jimmy' was originally launched in 2007, with the marketing slogan: 'Once You've Experienced A Big Jimmy Inside You, You'll Never Forget It!' The connotations with the late and much reviled 'children's entertainer' proved too much for Ali Bullo to attempt to propogate the brand, although he categorically denies that the 'Big Jimmy' had anything to do with the late disc spinning, dick swinging DJ.

"Is tragedy," Ali Bullo said earlier today from a kebab van on Southsea Common. "Big Jimmy no named for bleachy haired how's about that then scumbag bastard. Big Jimmy named for my cousin Jamal. Him live in Istanbul, him name in Istanbul is Big Jimmy, and he no disc jockey. Him have chip shop innit. This Savile thing is disgrace and nothing to do with Big Jimmy. But when customers come and start with now then, now then, how's about that then, and me want free 'Jim Fucked It For Me' badge, it go too far. Dirty Yorkshire bastard. Him make bottom fall out of market. Horrible shitbag ruin Big Jimmy forever. I hope him never get 72 virgins in paradise. Him fuck them right up, innit. Filthy dirty pervy dead body shagging bastard!"

Which in some quarters is regarded as fair and impartial comment.

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Ali Bullo, Kebabs

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