AOL CEO Lied About Swimming Certificate - Steps Down

Funny story written by Dan Cun

Monday, 14 May 2012

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for AOL CEO Lied About Swimming Certificate - Steps Down
CEO In Trouble!

Hot on the heels of chief executive of tech firm Yahoo stepping down amid accusations he included a fake computer science degree on his CV, CEO of AOL, Tim Armstrong, has admitted he did not really achieve proficiency in swimming during a summer camp in 1977.

Scott Thompson was replaced as head of Yahoo after it was revealed he embellished his credentials.

AOL shares crashed on Monday morning as news of the aquatic deceit spread amongst traders.

Armstrong said "Look, I didn't think it would be a big deal but after the Yahoo guy was caught I thought it best to come clean. I took the swimming test but began struggling; I swallowed some water and then began flailing. A camp worker jumped into the pool and pulled me out. I did not get the certificate and I did not pass the swimming test!"

On close inspection of Armstrong's resume it clearly states that he was awarded the certificate.

AOL has already acknowledged that Mr. Armstrong does not have any certificates in swimming proficiency however do acknowledge that he can "swim like a fish."

When the news emerged AOL initially defended its chief executive, calling the discrepancy on his resume an "inadvertent error". But it then came under mounting pressure from shareholders, employees and corporate governance experts to investigate the matter.

"What would happen in a flood?" asked one mid level employee "What if AOL HQ was hit by a tidal wave and we had to swim for it? Armstrong, we would assume would have been ok but in all reality he may have struggled and maybe even drowned because the only spare life belt would have gone to Joan in accounts, who is an African American woman who, as we all know, cannot swim!'

AOL HQ is based on Nevada, over 1000 miles from any ocean.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more