AOL CEO Lied About Swimming Certificate - Steps Down

Funny story written by Dan Cun

Monday, 14 May 2012


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CEO In Trouble!

Hot on the heels of chief executive of tech firm Yahoo stepping down amid accusations he included a fake computer science degree on his CV, CEO of AOL, Tim Armstrong, has admitted he did not really achieve proficiency in swimming during a summer camp in 1977.

Scott Thompson was replaced as head of Yahoo after it was revealed he embellished his credentials.

AOL shares crashed on Monday morning as news of the aquatic deceit spread amongst traders.

Armstrong said "Look, I didn't think it would be a big deal but after the Yahoo guy was caught I thought it best to come clean. I took the swimming test but began struggling; I swallowed some water and then began flailing. A camp worker jumped into the pool and pulled me out. I did not get the certificate and I did not pass the swimming test!"

On close inspection of Armstrong's resume it clearly states that he was awarded the certificate.

AOL has already acknowledged that Mr. Armstrong does not have any certificates in swimming proficiency however do acknowledge that he can "swim like a fish."

When the news emerged AOL initially defended its chief executive, calling the discrepancy on his resume an "inadvertent error". But it then came under mounting pressure from shareholders, employees and corporate governance experts to investigate the matter.

"What would happen in a flood?" asked one mid level employee "What if AOL HQ was hit by a tidal wave and we had to swim for it? Armstrong, we would assume would have been ok but in all reality he may have struggled and maybe even drowned because the only spare life belt would have gone to Joan in accounts, who is an African American woman who, as we all know, cannot swim!'

AOL HQ is based on Nevada, over 1000 miles from any ocean.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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