Written by John Butler

Sunday, 16 April 2006

image for Chevrolet Scrap Production Of Airplane-Shaped Car
Due to safety concerns the Chevrolet RoadJet (background) will not be made available to the public

Chevrolet have abandoned plans to make their controversial new airplane-shaped car available to the public following safety concerns that arose during pre-production testing.

The car, provisionally named the "Chevrolet RoadJet" was said to be the first of its kind, superficially resembling a small-scale private Learjet yet delivering the performance of a standard family road car.

"Priding itself primarily on fuel efficiency, it was set to run 45 miles to the gallon with a top speed of 115 Mph".

Although measuring 16.3 metres in length and having two 10 metre wings extending from both sides, the RoadJet's modest 2.5 litre diesel engine situated in front of its two-seater cockpit made it incapable of flying above ground. Priding itself primarily on fuel efficiency, it was set to run 45 miles to the gallon with a top speed of 115 Mph.

Despite the economical benefits and novel design however, Chevrolet chiefs have said that an early prototype of the car failed to pass several of rudimentary safety tests. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration states all road cars must undergo a series of such tests before going to mass manufacture.

Chevrolet admitted the RoadJet, in particular its side-mounted wings, frequently collided with onrushing traffic as it was put through its paces on the factory's state-of-the-art highway simulator.

Chevrolet spokeperson, Roger Darkansas said "Although clearly a triumph of both aesthetics and fuel economy, the RoadJet's wings are, quite simply, too wide. Testing has shown that these wings would very likely come into contact with onrushing traffic in real life conditions. The problem we estimate would be particularly severe on narrower secondary roads. On some of the newer highways, you might get away with it, but unfortunately not all Chevrolet customers drive exclusively on such highways".

Darkansas added, "Plus further tests raised doubts over whether the average American garage would have the capacity to accommodate the RoadJet".

"Chevrolet's undiminishing desire to "change the face of automotives".

Darkansas spoke openly about the Roadjet's immense set of 2000kg wings causing "utter carnage" on the highway simulator, nonchalantly slicing through row upon row of "dummy" Chevrolets.

He said, shaking his head with philosophical relief, "Thank goodness it was dummies inside those cars and not real people".

How such an "outlandishly designed" car ever reached the stage of pre-production Darkansas put down to Chevrolet's undiminishing desire to "change the face of automotives".

He said, "We thought wings would make the car look that little bit funkier - and sure enough they do, plus the rear fin looks great too. But I think in this case, unfortunately, the cons outweigh the pros.... those wings.... they're just too goddamn dangerous".

On the official Chevrolet mission statement (penned by Christopher Chevrolet back in 1934) it states the company are "proud to boast a team of designers who, with unique vision and ingenuity, will set the tone for how automobiles should and will look for future generations". Chevrolet are now saying that perhaps the RoadJet design team took this "unique vision" tenet a step to far.

Chief designer, Drakushamawa Tukky Tuk said, "We saw wings as an natural evolution for not just Chevrolet but the everyday road car. It's quite post-modern, you know - the idea that something could have wings yet, at the same time, is unable to fly. We wanted to bring something of the spirit of Warhol into 21st century automobile design".

Tukky Tuk added, "My father, Ken Tukky Tuk, conceived and designed the first ever rear-based spoiler, I guess I wanted to get one over on my dad. With the RoadJet dream now finished, I suppose he's probably looking down on me now sharing a chuckle with God and all the apostles and Henry Ford and all the others".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Airplane, Safety

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