Democrats Avoid the Rush, Concede Mid-Term Elections
In an unprecedented move, all Democratic candidates have conceded the election to their respective opponents. Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean announced the collective concession this morning. Initially believed to be an elaborate Halloween prank, it was quickly determined by mid-morning that all Democratic candidates had indeed thrown in the towel.
Read full storyBorat to be Stoned to Death
Internationally renowned Kazakh journalist, Borat Sagdiyev, will be arrested and stoned to death if he ever returns to Kazakhstan. Following outcry from his recent documentary, the Kazakh government has signed official forms calling for the journalis...
Read full storyReese Witherspoon Is On The Prowl
Gossip Central, Agent's Rumor Mill, Hollywood and Whine---Talent agents looking for extra commissions and gossip mongers looking for an extra body to invite to an event and an ear to fill are now reporting that Reese Witherspoon, star of "Al...
Read full storyPrince William 'loses his marbles' at Sandhurst
Sandhurst, UK - (Associated mess): The elder son of the Pretender to the Throne, William, has been reported as having 'lost his marbles' at a firing range shoot-out at Sandhurst military academy where he is a cadet.
Read full storyTrick or treat for ScareBlair?
London - (Associated Mess): As the Bush Administration's top apologist takes the stand in the House of Commons Iraq tie-breaker debate this afternoon, political rapture-watch index aintgottaprayer.com has reported frenetic internet spread-betting...
Read full storyRepublican Evangelicals Fight Liberalism and Promote Satanism on Halloween
HOUSTON (AP)-- Christian evangelical Bruce Blatterbug used to simply hand out candy on Halloween like his neighbors here in Houston, Texas until he decided the holiday promoted Liberalism and free thinking and conflicted with the Satanic goals of the...
Read full storyElephants Found to Have Gender Related Body Dysmorphia
Bronx, New York--A stunning experiment conducted at the Bronx Zoo has found that elephants show self-recognition. And self-loathing -- if it's a female, that is.
Read full storySoutherner Contracts Foot-In-Mouth Disease
WALKER-TX - The words of the theme song from Austin City Limits, "London Homesick Blues" rang hauntingly true yesterday when a Texas man, after drinking several glasses of wine contaminated with athlete's foot fungus, tenia ped...
Read full storyApple Computer in talks with Microsoft
CUPERTINO -- As a result of booming sales for Macintosh computers and iPods, linked with the increasingly bleak outlook for Microsoft operating systems, Apple's CEO Steve Jobs has made Bill Gates (King of Microsoft) an offer he couldn't refus...
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