Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Showing page 32 (of 72 pages)
Man City want Rooney!
Man City want Rooney; to die!
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Olympic synchronised swimming tickets are hot!
Synchronised swimming tickets for the London Olympics have been over-sold, now lots of dirty old men in dirty raincoats will just have to watch the athletics instead!
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Mexico has the highest bridge in the world and their drug-dealers love it!
Mexico has the highest bridge in the world and the Mexican drug-cartels love it. It's perfect for hanging their rivals over it, headless, or throwing them over it!
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Brain function declines at 45!
An over 45 year-old brain becomes a moron because the brain cells diminish. Those younger than 45 and wearing hoodies needn't fear because they have no f++k++g brains!
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London gets a free WI FI!
London is to become a WIFI free zone because the Olympics are around the corner and all athletes must have free internet access, especially the Mongolese, but first they must buy a computer; a what?
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Ferguson rejects Lampard, he's too young!
Sir Alex Ferguson has refuted all claims that he wants Chelsea's Frank Lampard because he has enough youngsters in his team, he needs another pensioner alongside Giggs not a whippersnapper!
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UK men hate their beer-guts but just love their beer!
A survey has proven that men just hate their beer-bellies but just love their beer so having a six-pack is impossible unless it's labelled Guiness!
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Black UK minister is a racist!
Diane Abbot, black UK health minister, is now a racist because she accused white people of fiddling on twitter. What else should you do on twitter? Show your true colours?
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Egyptians demand death sentence for near dead Mubarek!
Egyptians are demanding the death sentence for their once so beloved president, Mubarek. They needn't worry, he's half dead already!
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The Euro is declining so fast it's nearly invisible!
The UK is gloating over the Euro's decline just waiting for it to disappear, but the Germans are determind to stop it's decline; could this mean WWIII or just a Eurovision "pong" contest!
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French retailer uses naked beach prowler to advertise their kiddies collection!
An innocent male beach comber (or prowler) has been used in a photo shoot for advertising French kiddies clothes. The kiddy models didn't see him and he was too busy having a "qui qui" in La mer!
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Magpies steal United's jewels!
A swarm of Magpies stole United's jewels last night and the show. In fact United's jewels didn't shine at all, they were being "rubbed" by polished Newcastle!
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Kiss of life has been banned!
Giving the kiss of life to people dying has been bannned, instead one should give the dying person CPR and then some GBH; ask Vinnie Jones!
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Catholic Bishop has 2 children!
A Catholic Bishop has admitted to having 2 children; well at least he isn't gay!
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Bachmann quits because her botox was diminishing!
Michele Bachmann has quit the presidential race but not because of her bum result in Iowa. She's quitting because becoming president allowed her no time to attend her botox injection appointments!
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John Terry chosen as Indian ambassador for health and sport!
After secretly appearing on billions of packets of Indian ciggies, John Terry has admitted he is the new Indian ambassador for health and sport; after all he is as clean as a "dog-end"!
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Man Utd and Man City go A.W.O.L!
Manchester's pride and joy have gone a.w.o.l! Their over-paid super-stars decided not to turn up so their managers played 2 teams of skeletons. Never mind their London rivals didn't bother either!
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Dutch males prefer fireworks and bangers than sex!
Dutch men prefer playing with their fireworks and bangers on new years than banging with their wives. Dutch women want more sex but males just won't get their dicks out of the dykes, gottverdomme!
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Anti-whaling boat capsized by giant wave!
An anti-whaling boat has been capsized by a giant wave caused by Moby Dick doing a U-turn!
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Turkeys raid Kurds and kill 23!
A flock of turkeys raided a kurdish settlement and killed 23 of them by flapping their wings and gobbling them up. It was a blitz winged attack!
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Celtic v Rangers
Celtic beat Rangers 1-0; so what, yawn, yawn, yawn!
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Battling priests in Jerusalem forgot to pray!
Two gangs of warring priests armed with brooms battled with each other in the place of Jesus's birth. They were so busy battling they forgot to pray so Jesus rejected them imediately, AAGH-men!
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Riots in furniture shop in Bradford!
Not only Nike Air shoes cause riots, a furniture shop in Bradford flogging cut price 3 piece suites has had one too. Hooded rioters were last seen looting leather sofa's dressed in Nike Airs!
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Record sales of ouzo save Greek economy!
The Eurozone has been saved by the massive global consumption of Greek ouzo over the festive period proving that alcohol is not evil and now we can all look forward to a prosperous new year; BUUUURP!
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Showing page 32 (of 72 pages)
