Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Showing page 31 (of 72 pages)
Pink elephant spotted in Africa is definitely Dumbo!
A pink elephant photographed by tourists after they'd downed several bottles of pink champagne is Dumbo the flying elephant; they also captured several pink flying pigs on film, ask Pink Floyd!
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Sex-starved Billericay housewives search for their lost G-spots!
Billericay is a town of desperate housewives desperately searching for their G-spots, which doesn't actually exist. Their hubbies though have found their G-spots at the local (girlie) Bars!
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Boris Johnson calls Brit youth a bunch of "lazy buggars!"
Fab mayor of London, Boris Johnson, has called British youths a bunch of lazy buggars, old Bean. They promptly gave posh Boris their thoughts, "get on your bike you fat, snobby bastard, literally!"
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Imogen T. scared of silicone slip!
Footy fav, Imogen T, is scared "stiff" (not of them) . She has French PIP's in her over-loaded breasts and fears they could slip after doing "doggy" with hunky Welsh rugby players, not the gay one's!
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Student rejects Oxford University!
A wee lassie student has sent a letter of rejection to Oxford University after being rejected because she's not a privileged, spoilt, snob and even if was accepted she'd still tell them to "Fuck Off!"
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Headless in Hollywood!
An Armenian gentleman has gone headless in Hollywood. It was last seen being kicked about by two dogs near the Hollywood sign. Hitchcock is filming the crime scene!
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Kinky Catholic school worker "blows" all night!
A UK, female Catholic school worker who supports her Nuns by day has a night job, praying she doesn't get seen "blowing" and "sucking" all night for £800, Aah-men!
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Rupert Murdoch calls Google pirates, Johnny Depp just jumped overboard!
Rupert Murdoch has branded Google a bunch of wild pirates and Johnny Depp was last seen jumping over board the HMS Google.
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London 2012 will be a hot-bed of disease!
The London Olympics promises to be a hot-bed of disease according to scientists. All athletes and visitors from strange countries will be quarantined for 6 months; they better hurry up!
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Ricky Gervais subdued at Globes awards!
Host Ricky Gervais was rather subdued than normal at the Globes awards, instead of telling Johnny Depp "to get a life" this year he told him to "fuck off". Good old-fashioned Brit slapstick!
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Italian cruise ship was off course? Never!
The Italian cruise ship that went aground off the Island of Giglio was off course. What a surprise, the Italian understatement of the century apart from Berlusconi!
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Arsene Wenger demands red cards for "imbecile" referees!
Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, is demanding red cards for referees, "imbeciles!" But only if the decision goes against his beloved Arsenal. If it's for them play should continue, sacre bleu!
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Ryan Gigg's brother calls him a worm!
After having an affair with his brother's missus, his brother has now called Ryan a maggot! Ryan's reply was; "well it's all in the family, boyo!"
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Sir Alex Ferguson sacked by Man U, he's too young!
Joining the trend of engaging ancient players in Premier league, Man Utd have suddenly sacked Sir Alex Ferguson because he's too young, the new manager is veteran Utd player Sir Bobby Charlton, OAP!
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Cockney Sparra' 'Arry Redknapp mugged in Madrid!
Cockney Sparra' Spurs manager, 'Arry Redknapp, was recently mugged in Madrid and has promised never to go for a "shanksies pony" in Spain again, Bow Bells is much safer!
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GI's not guilty of peeing on dead Taliban!
The shocking video showing GI's peeing on dead Taliban is a fix. They did have a "wee pee" but not a proper pee because they were dehydrated from the Afghan heat, also the wind blew from behind!
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M&S female staff hang it all out in their naked calendar!
M&S female staff have hung everything thing out in their naked calendar proving that even the stuffy old M&S like a bit of raunchy S&M too!
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Homophobic soccer player gets the sack, he called a gay rugby player gay!
An Oxford City soccer player (obviously no degree) has called a gay rugby player gay on twitter and got the sack. Warning to all soccer twitterers; don't mention gay or racist or you'll be next!
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Greek parents abandon their kiddies!
Many Greek parents are abandoning their kids because they're too expensive and to drown their financial sorrows they need the money to buy ouzo; sad world!
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Famous TV chef get's his fingers stuck in cheese at Tesco's!
Antony "Wally" Thompson has been nicked for shoplifting cheese at Tesco's. The hard up chef claimed innocence because he said he got his fat fingers stuck in the holy cheese, amen!
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Body found in Sandringham is not Prince Philip's!
A body found in Sandringham has been identified and it's certainly not Prince Philip who went a.w.o.l after admitting he saw the Queen naked for the first time in 40 years! The shock was too much!
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Mexican goalkeeper is a kidnapper!
After ending his career as a goalkeeper, Mexican goalkeeper, Omar Ortiz, decided to become a kidnapper. He's been caught red-handed and he won't be able so save this particular "penalty"!
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London bus crashes supermarket!
A London bus has crashed into a supermarket; the driver from Peck-ham was feeling peck-ish!
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Cameron forbids multi-culti!
David Cameron is pushing through new legislation to stop all forms of multi-culti; it costs too much money, is a failure and pro soccer players want the right to call their team mates N+GG+rs!
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Showing page 31 (of 72 pages)
