Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Showing page 30 (of 72 pages)
India village moved for tigers!
An Indian village has been moved so tigers can roam in their natural; AND RIGHTLY SO!
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Sir Alex Ferguson shows first signs of dementia!
Alex Ferguson has claimed Manchester is closer to Barcelona than Madrid proving he has dementia, because to get to Barcelona or Madrid he's got to go to Amsterdam and that's a million miles away!
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Sean Penn joins Argentine army!
Sean Penn has promised Cristina Kirchner, Argentinian President, that he will join their army and fight the Brits off of their land. She's half German by the way. History does work in strange ways!
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Handy-man Suarez refuses to wipe his bum clean!
A Uruguayan ignoramus acting like a moron yesterday refused to offer his filthy hand to Evra who he racially abused. His excuse was, he forgot to wash it after wiping his bum with it; shit head!
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Brit busty wench uses fertilizer to make them grow naturally!
Brit hairdresser, Rachel A. Uses fertilizer to help make her boobs grow naturally and it works they're size 30L. She never dyes her hair blonde because blondes use silicone to boost their boobs!
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Sir Alf Ramsey favourite to take over England!
It's possible that the FA will recall the embalmed body of Sir Alf Ramsey to oversee the English preperations for Euro 2012. Any "mummy" is better than what's available now apart from Gus!
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Capello's translator sacked!
The FA are glad Capello walked, it was cheaper that way and now they've sacked his translator, even cheaper; he received £2,50 compensation!
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Airbus A380 has cracks in its wings!
The jumbo Airbus A380 has cracks in it s wings, but don't worry, they're only small and the wings are huge, so they're safe. Passengers boarding the jumbo were issued the Bible and the Koran, amen!
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Turkey tells Greece to "F++k off"!
Turkey have diplomatically told their arch enemies, Greece, to "F++k off", go bust and drown in the Aegean sea because they want their place! True love never dies!
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Kenny Daiglish substitutes pussy Carroll with a "real pussy"!
Andy Carroll, second biggest loser in the Premier League, (Torres Nr 1) was replaced with a real pussy who got nearer the Spurs goal than the other pussy did all night. It was a tail of 2 pussies!
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Iran ban The Simpsons!
Iran have banned The Simpsons because they're too western and pornographic, they prefer transmitting hours of live televised prayers from Mecca, it's healthier for the mind!
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BBC presenters are "wankers" claims US comic!
US stand-up comic, Dave Fulton, called Bill Turnbull and Sian Williams wankers on the BBC breakfast bore today. Sian apologised to the OAP's watching, but Bill agreed, after all he is a "tosser"
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Swedish cannibal and vampire to marry; bloody hell!
A marriage not made in heaven, is about to happen in a Swedish loony bin. On the menu is freshly sliced brain, bacon butt-ends, from her butt and fresh blood to rinse it all down, BURP!
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Tiger bread or giraffe bread? Only 3 year-olds know the difference!
Sainsbury's have been forced to withdraw their Tiger Bread and have relabelled it Giraffe Bread because a tiger has stripes and a giraffe huge spots. It needed 3 year old girl to "spot" the error!
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Portsmouth players are handed begging bowls instead of wages!
Pompey players were seen begging in town after their club refused to pay them their wages. The Chairman cancelled training and told the players, "begging is not a sin, not paying our taxes is!".
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Joey Barton's uncle is a "Homo-Sapien"
Joey Barton has come out and admitted his uncle is a "Homo-Sapien" (the gay type). Joey is not one, a homo-sapien that is, he prefers to act like a primate, only difference is they have brains!
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Liverpool re-inroduce slave-ships!
Liverpool council have signed a billion dollar deal with eastern European slave-drivers to use their docks, the reason why the slave drivers chose Liverpool was easy: Scousers love a "back-hander"!
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Chelsea players refuse to shake hands with John Terry!
At today's game against QPR the Chelsea players refused to shake hands with their captain John Terry; they were frightened their hands might turn a "whiter shade of pale!"
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Flying Dutchman dumps De gea & Co out of cup!
Liverpool's flying Dutchman dumps De gea and Co out of cup. United players forgot to read the script and thought they were still playing Swiss giants FC Basel!
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Oral sex can cause throat cancer in pussies!
Pussies lick their bums to keep them clean and scientists have discovered this can cause cancer. After testing humans it seems that pussy-licking can cause cancer too; so just have a smoke instead!
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Self-proclaimed new Tarzan is a Balotelli fan!
The new Tarzan from Manchester who swings from tree to tree in South Africa is a Balotelli fan because he hopes one day to tame a real silver-back gorilla and have him as his Jane (?)
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Bill Gates arrested for wanting to pay more tax!
The FBI have arrested Bill Gates for disturbing the peace and tranquility of the US super-rich; he demands to pay more tax and that's a fiscal felony in the US!
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Angela Merkel sticks her tongue down Sarkozy's throat!
In a desperate attempt to unite France & Germany Angela Merkel has stuck her tongue down Sarkozy's throat; in other words give him a "tres grandé" French smacker, German style!
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'Arry Redknapp 'as 'ad a bung!
'Arry Redknapp arrived in court today after he 'ad a bung. 'Arry would 'ave prefered a red card for Balotelli after he gave Parker a "bang" on the 'ead mate!
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Showing page 30 (of 72 pages)
