Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Showing page 28 (of 72 pages)
French scientist is head of Al Qaeda!
A French nuclear scientist has been divulged as the new leader of Al Qaeda; thank god they caught him before he had time to "drop one"! Qui, Qui, c'est bomb!
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Panic petrol buying is driving meth drinkers mad too!
UK petrol stations are being inundated with panic petrol buyers who fear there won't be any left! Meth drinkers are also going mad because they need plenty of fuel to keep them going too!
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Patrick Viera's mouth is bigger than Rooney's pay packet!
Ex-Gooner and Man City talkaholic, Patrick Viera, has proven to the world that his gob is bigger than Wayne Rooney's pay packet and that is "ginormous", imbecile!
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Balotelli gate crashes press conference!
Enfant Terriblé, Mario Balotelli, gate-crashed an Italian press conference because he thought it was wrong not to invite him and said "why do they always forget me?"
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50th aniversary of breast implants and they keep on growing!
It's 50 years since the first breast implant was made and they keep on growing and growing; it's surprising what chewy pieces of silicone have achieved and they certainly are not "hanging around"!
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New Super-Earths discovered!
Planets orbiting red dwarf stars have been discovered and are habitable for humans. Virgin Airways are taking bookings for one-way tickets from the rich and famous; they want their own planet!
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UK Mini workers offered "Mini" tea-breaks for a "Minor" pay rise!
UK Mini plant in Oxford owned by BMW has been faltering on its production targets so the Germans have offered workers a "Mini" tea break with a "Minor" pay -rise. If they refuse, they will be shot!
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David "Pratt"removes his head from Mancini's butt!
Man City co-trainer, David "Pratt" removed his head out of Mancini's butt to face Sir Alex at the mind games contest! He failed miserably and now he's put it back where it belongs; Oh shit!
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Hitler to act as shampoo model!
A Turkish company has reincarnated Hitler as a "shampoo model". Adolf loves the product called Biomen because it's for real men. Jews are outraged because Biomen is now the Nr.1 shampoo in Palestine!
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Kazakhstan issue fatwa on Borat!
Comedian, Borat, has upset Kazakhstan so much that they issued a fatwa on him. He had his own version of their national anthem played and one of the lines was: The Presidents wife is a whore; oops!
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Eating chia seeds improved the sex life of US over 85 year-olds!
The latest craze to rock Europe and the UK, chia seeds, enhanced the sex lives of over 85 year-olds in the US. After eating them there have been reports of nightly, wild sex orgies in US OAP homes!
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Fabrice Muamba saved by voodoo!
A Congolese voodoo witch-doctor watching the game in the Congo stuck needles in a voodoo puppet called Drog-Baah after Fabrice Muamba had his heart attack and this saved his life he's claimed.
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Ed Miliband abducted by a Rolls Royce!
Ed Miliband, staunch socialist and NHS supporter, has been abducted by a "Phantom" Rolls Royce! He was last seen pissed out of his brains at Hull City FC sitting next to some very rich aliens!
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George Clooney arrested for attempting to act!
George clooney has been arrested for attempting to act for real. It went pear-shape so after bail he decided to stick to naff-Nescaf-e adverts!
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World's ugliest dog dies!
The world's most ugly dog has died; and it wasn't a pretty sight!
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Bilbao 2-United 0, they're sinking fast!
Man United have got caught up in a Biscayan storm and are sinking without trace, let's hope the Wolves don't ravage them on Sunday too!
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Discovery Channel sacks Bear Grylls, Why?
Survivor Bear Grylls has been sacked by Discovery Channel not for drinking bear's pee or eating giant flying insects, NO! He was sacked because he always sung "I will survive" a gay iconic hit!
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Eating red meat kills you!
Eating red meat kills you but it also makes you feel more horny due to the amount of dodgy hormones in it. So, either die early and have a great sex-life or live longer and become and "old wanker!"
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Beeb to make a version of China hit TV show; Execution TV!
The Beeb are planning a copy of the tremendously popular Chinese TV hit; Execution TV. It promises to be a sensational "Dead End"!
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Naked Tour de Peru causes traffic chaos!
Tour de France pro-cyclists went to Peru for naked high altitude training, it seems that it's good for hardening bums on saddles. It also caused traffic chaos because crossing llamas spat at them!
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Bay of Biscay Basques swallow up a bunch of "United Tiddlers"!
Basques crossed The Bay of Biscay, entered Manchester and devoured a bunch of headless "European Tiddlers", it was as if United disappeared down the throat of the deadly "Biscayan Triangle"!
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Dad banned for wearing baggy swimming shorts!
A dad in Bournemouth was banned from a swimming pool because his shorts were too baggy. The reason why he wore them was; he was trying to cover something huge up and tight trunks are all balls!
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Balotelli joins "The Hood"!
Balotelli attempted not to attract too much attention by joining the "Hoody Gang". His first attempt to remain anonymous in a Manchester Mall failed. He was ejected, wearing one, a Hoody that is!
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McNugget sold for $8100,00 was a fake!
The George Washington look-alike McNugget sold for the above amount is a fake, The original one was thrown in the owner's dog's mouth and came out looking like crap!
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Showing page 28 (of 72 pages)
