Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Showing page 27 (of 72 pages)
Orang-utans sue Boris Johnson!
Borneo orang-utans are suing the London Mayor, baboon Boris Johnson, because he claims he looks like them. What a f+++++g insult!
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Sarkozy lost because he preferred German black bread!
The real reason for Sarkozy losing was; he told the world that he preferred German black bread to the French baguette and Merkel agreed that her bread has much more "dough" in it!
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Pope issues fatwah on spoofers head!
The Pope has issued a Fatwah on a Spoofers head who dared mention the fact in his book that Jesus was actually a man! This is an "Unacceptable truth" and should be buried just like the Da Vinci one!
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Modern pop stars tell their fans to wear ear-plugs!
Many modern Rappers, pop/rock-stars, etc, are telling their fans to wear ear plugs whilst listening to their music because they can't stand listening to it themselves!
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Boris Johnson asks Hitler to open London 2012!
To enhance his chances of continuing to make an utter twat of himself, Boris J has decided to ditch the Queen at the Olympics and go for Hitler; It's called the shock effect!
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Rooney throws only shot on target; a left hook on Phil Jone's nose!
Manchester, Monday: In a punch-up between Rooney and Phil Jones, Rooney managed the only shot on target all evening by planting a left hook on Phil Jones's (alias Stan Laurel) nose. It was lights out!
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Man O Man it's City!
The Red Devils lost their satanic powers last night and were "Blue-n" away. United have now lost 2 titles; the most hated club in the UK and the other one; every negative has a positive!
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Die "Special Lederhosen" spank "The Special One's" bum!
BMW (Bavarian MASTER Works) tamed "The Special One" and proved that a "Mannschaft" is always better than a team of not so very "special ones" + Ronaldo; Chelsea, Chelsea!
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Torres proves everybody wrong!
Fernando Torres has proven his critics wrong and after being told by Di Matteo what a goal actually is; 2 posts, a cross-bar and a net, he saw the light and Abramovich is now £50 million better off!
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Didier Drogba to hang up his boots and become a Ballerina!
D.Drogba has decided to hang up his boots, win or lose tonight, because secretly he always wanted to dance The Swan Lake, and now his dream has come true, he's been offered the part of the "Bad Swan"!
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Man Utd get double dose of the "Blues"!
Man Utd got a severe double dose of the "Blues" after they looked like a lump of Swiss cheese (remember Basel?) and now the other "Blues" will be laughing all the way to the toothless "Wolves" den!
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"The Special One" pokes Pep in the eye, ouch!
Jose Mourinho, The Special One, is special and only after 2 seasons at Real he has poked Pep and his purist "Barcas" firmly in the eye. Next stop Man Utd? Man City and the rest can then shut up shop!
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UK clampers clamp Meals on wheels van!
UK Clampers, better known as Highway thugs, clamped a meals on wheels van. The driver called the charitable "Hairy Bikers" and they threatened to punch the Clampers lights out; it was removed!
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Straight male stroke patients are turning "gay"!
Male sufferers of strokes (especially back strokes) are turning gay because the stroke "bends" a nerve and ex-hunky Welsh Rugby players have proved the point after a scrum or two!
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Sky Diver Young orders parachute for Manchester Derby!
Ashley Young is worried about having to dive so high against Man City to get a penalty that he has ordered a parachute to soften his landing!
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Brits prefer soggy snacks rather than steamy sex!
UK citizens prefer a fatty snack before they go to bed rather than steamy sex in bed. There are "69" ways to lose weight and they all start with hot sex, so get blowing and sucking!
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Credit card hackers hack Spoofers account; bastards!
Jaggedone has just has his credit card account hacked by some fucking hackers who should be hang-drawn and quartered; miserable bastards! Credit card users beware they even cracked my security code!
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Rooney forgot to put his "Wig-an" and he got blown away!
Wayne Rooney lost his "Wig-an" got blown away last night by a team of fighters; United only had toothless tigers on display; just one shot all evening, pathetic! Roll on the Derby!
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North Korea about to launch rocket without a "navi"!
The world is holds its breath as those dastardly North Koreans are about to launch their rocket. They do have one major problem they forgot to put a navi in it so they don't even know where its going!
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"Flock of seagulls" delay Titanic cruise!
The memorial cruise of the Titanic was delayed because the MS Balmoral was attacked by a "Flock of Seagulls" humming "Wishing (I had a photograph of you") creepy! Maybe sailors are right after all?
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Lady GaGa falls in love with a British mercurial stud; Erskine Quint Esq!
Lady Gaga is madly in love with a figment of a madmans fantasy, his name Erskine Quint Esq. Lady loves Erskine because they are alike; crazy, sexy and she is also a figment of people's imagination!
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RAC emergency man nicks tyres!
A UK RAC emergency man offered desperate motorists a superb free service whilst they were not looking; he exchanged their Good-year tyres for his bald Michelin ones, what a deal!
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Maryland Batman was a real "Joker"!
Batman, caught in his Lamborghini for having bats as number plates is a real "Joker" in disguise, only slightly more batty than the real one ask Catwoman!
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Bombastic London 2012 breaks all records!
The show to end all shows is about to begin; London 2012. The biggest, the best, most expensive, etc and sure to mesmerise the whole world (except me) WHY? Of course it is in England, where else!
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Showing page 27 (of 72 pages)
