Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Showing page 25 (of 72 pages)
Gay Gordon can legally marry his male partner in Scotland!
Gay Gordon is preparing for his wedding in Scotland; guess what the happy pair will be wearing? You guessed it; "pink tartan kilts!"
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Half-canned Brit saves 5 lives in Andalucia!
A brave rescue action took place in a swimming pool in Orgavia last night! A pissed Brit saved 5 lives from drowning; 2 wasps, 2 moths and a huge black beetle; They forgot to put on their swim vests!
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Man Utd bid for RIP!
Man Utd have put a bid in for Arsenal's RIP (?) Oops sorry RVP and if they sell him then they can RIP!
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Alhambra employee tells Dutch tourist to "fuck off"!
An unpleasant incident occurred at the world famous tourist attraction, the Alhambra, in Granada. A Dutch tourist was told to "fuck off" because she didn't have a barcode; Olé, et viva la Espana!
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John Terry is not a racist because he's whiter than white!
John Terry is innocent and the whole soccer world is happy; but next time he hurls insults at his fellow pros maybe he should wash his mouth out with soap, that'll prove he's whiter than white!
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Man Utd offer Andy Carroll a contract, but not a footie one!
Sir Alex Ferguson has offered Liverpool reject Andy Carroll a lifeline. Andy impressed SAF so much with his head-butting ability that he wants Andy as his personal bodyguard, chauffeur and valet!
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Barclays ex-Boss Diamond caught begging!
Ex-Barclays boss, Bob Diamond, has been begging in Trafalger Square because Barclays didn't pay him his bonus of £20m and now he's got £20m less in his off-shore accounts; poor old Bob the buggar!
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UK bans Ebony & Ivory!
T+++o's apart from being the UK's Nr 1 supermarket are also a bunch of pillocks. These days how can you price your black & white dolls differently? Morons? Even Ebony & Ivory goes too far!
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Flashing in public is a dangerous occupation!
News flash; The Ministry of Health has warned Flashers that flashing in public has been confirmed as a dangerous occupation especially when flashers have zips! OUCH!
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Scotland demand autonomy and will be now called Murrayland!
Scot Andy Murray is in a Wimbledon final. Only problem is, he's a Scot and they hate the English so now the Scots are demanding autonomy and Hadrian's wall will become the new Berlin wall!
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Higgs Boson discovered in outside bog in Nottingham!
After severe anal combustion, a swimming Higgs Boson appeared in the outside bog of an Indian curry eating gentleman in Nottingham. Yet again India leads the way in things that "matter"; ask Gandhi!
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Tom Cruise is not a Scientologist nutter!
After the shock reports that Katie Holmes has dumped super Tom he has cut all links with Scientology and will now marry John Travolta (We knew it all along!)! Worth investigating that one!
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Andy Murray's female fans are "knitters"!
Several women watching great British hope, Andy Murray, slog through his games are total "knitters"! Let's hope Andy doesn't drop his stitches whilst serving for the match!
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French drivers can drink until they drop!
French drivers are being forced to breathalyse themselves and if they are not pissed enough, they cannot drive. Foreign drivers are allowed zero-tolerance, typical French; grande Qui,qui-artists!
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Angela Merkel is the new "Bundestrainer"!
Angela Merkel has sacked loser Löw and taken over his job. Her first task is to persuade Balotelli to don a pair of Lederhosen, become German and show "Die Mannschaft" what real men are made of!
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Argentinian Catholic Bishop caught snoggin with a woman!
The Vatican is disgusted because one of it's flock, an Argentinian Bishop, has been caught on the beach snogging a bikini-clad woman; He's spoilt their reputation!
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Romans dodged paying taxes on Jersey and Guernsey too!
Not only modern day stand-up comedians dodge taxes on Guernsey; the Romans did it too. A find of Roman coins has been dug up proving that the Romans are to blame for everything dodgy!
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FA sue UEFA and FIFA for crimes against humanity!
After Englands ubiquitous penalty shoot-out display the FA have decided to sue the UEFA and FIFA on the grounds of cruelty, mental torture and inhumane acts. They might actually win this one!
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British dog wins Ugly Dog world championships!
British dog called Mugly has won the world's ugliest dog title. Second place went to Italian mastiff called Balotelli; huge head, big balls and plenty of saliva, but nothing else! Is that an omen?
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Sexy Italian underwear fails to excite English footy fans!
Sex-starved English women are buying up every bit of sexy Italian underwear in a desperate attempt to win over their men. The men are ignoring them, they prefer to win over Italy; si, si Bella!
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Stand up comedian Carr hit by a tax scam hit and run!
Brit comedian Jimmy Carr has apologised for putting 3 million quid on a Jersey account and paying only 1% tax; now that is a real joke!
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Balotelli's mouth is bigger than his huge boots!
Super-sub, Mario Balotelli, proved last night that his huge gob is bigger than his boots that should actually be doing all the talking, not Mario; he's a genius (wanker)!
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Ukrainian prostitutes go on strike!
Ukrainian prostitutes entertaining footy fans are going on strike because they keep having a coitus interruptus every time a goal is scored instead of finishing the job like Ronaldo, hard and fast!
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Ronaldo is haunted by Messi's ghost!
Cristiano Ronaldo swears that the reason he misses so many chances is because he sees a Fata morgana of Lionel Messi every time he shoots! It's true, Messi always "ghosts" past opponents!
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Showing page 25 (of 72 pages)
