Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Showing page 24 (of 72 pages)
Neil Armstrong first astronaut to enter heaven!
God has allowed Neil Armstrong to enter his heaven because Neil proved that by being the first man on the moon there were no satanic radio stations there influencing evil people on earth!
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Lance Armstrong never took drugs, just performance enhancers!
Lance Armstrong claims he never too drugs, but admits he took performance enhancers and that has nothing to do with drugs so the Tour authorities are full of merde!
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Trapped South African hippo was their star Olympic swimmer!
A hippo trapped in a South African swimming pool was actually their secret weapon for the Olympics! Sadly it got stuck after failing to learn how to turn!
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Prince Harry does a Paris Hilton!
Photos of naked Prince Harry and his naked bird are flying over the internet. They have caused a sensation in the Royal Family because at last they have a Prince who can keep up their fine tradition!
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Martian stone is not Mick Jagger!
Robot Curiosity filmed a 7cm, $2,5 billion Martian stone, it was not Mick Jagger's, he's is bigger and rolls!
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Arsenal sensationally buy back RVP!
The RVP transfer to Man utd was all a hoax because SAF wanted to help his old mate Arsene Wenger. If RVP had left next year Arsenal wouldn't have earned a penny! It's not all about money U know!
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Man Utd to represent Holland at the next World cup!
Now it is official, with RVP at Man Utd they will conquer the world! The Dutch are so dismal they have begged Man U to take them over with RVP as the Kapitan! It's all a bit "double Dutch"!
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RVP United!
RVP United; RIP Arsenal
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Fabrice Muamba forced to quit soccer!
Very sad news; Good luck to him for the future!
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Giant python caught in Florida swallowed Grandma!
A giant python caught in Florida was only caught because it had just swallowed a 92 year-old granny jogging in the Everglades and it ended up with belly cramps, the python that is!
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Ronaldo and Messi go head to head before a ball is kicked!
Ronaldo and Messi are challenging before a ball has been kicked in vain in Spain. UEFA are voting for their best player and the Euro Gay Soccer Ass. are voting for their most hunky player! No contest!
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Global Olympic reactions!
Germany; 1932 was "viel besser" ask Jessie Owens. Russia; Moscow much better, ask the Americans, they didn't bother! US: Los Angeles; much better than London, we even had James Bond flying like a tit!
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Canary Islands hotting up!
The Canary Islands are hotting up, but it's not the volcano, just stupid people throwing their litter around!
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Breivik could have been stopped!!
Breivik could have been stopped; try telling his victims that!
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Australia to build off-shore asylum homes in Guernsey!
Australia has had its gutful with illegal immigrants and will now build off-shore asylum homes in Guernsey! The reasons; Guernsey is tax-free, its far away and the Brits owe Australia a favour or two!
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Male underpants arrested in Milton Keynes shopping centre!
A pair of male underpants were arrested today in Milton Keynes shopping mall. They belonged to a local tramp and whilst he slept on a bench, slipped off and went AWOL hoping to grab some fresh air!
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Tiddlywinks, snakes & Ladders, Ludo & Scrabble to become Olympic sports!
In 2016 several board games will be accepted as Olympic sports because their reps feel that if BMX racing is an Olympic sport then tiddlywinks, scrabble, etc, should also be given olympic status!
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Kenyan MP's now sit on $3000 dollar chairs!
The new Kenyan parliament has installed chairs worth $3000 per bum. They were made in the local prison where the only chair that some prisoners see is the electric one and that's hot and hard!
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Homeless impoverished Martians greet US spaceship with empty hands!
It cost $2,5 billion to get there and the first thing the US space robot meets is homeless Martians with begging bowls and starving. It should have stayed at home; there's plenty of them there too!
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Javanese javelin thrower disqualified!
The sole Olympic rep of Java, a royal Javelin thrower has been disqualified and to add insult to injury his javelin pierced his foot, got stuck in the runway and he fell arse over head over the line!
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Man Utd pay 350 million for an unknown Amazon Indian!
Sick to death of paying horrendous wages and agents fees, Sir Alex Ferguson has signed a Brazilian Amazon Indian who was seen juggling his Brazilian nuts on You Tube for £350 million; what a bargain!
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Black hole of Calcutta re-opened!
Much of India was plunged into darkness because of power cuts and to stop the rioters and looters Calcutta has re-opened the "Black hole of Calcutta" a famous British monument!
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Madonna booed off stage in Paris!
An ageing Madonna could only manage 45 minutes on stage and she was booed off because she she didn't simulate sex with young toy-boys; she couldn't hire any of them, they prefer Lady Ga Ga!
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Cockneys boycott Olympic Games!
True Cockneys are boycotting the Olympics because there are no signs erected in their language. Posh nob, Seb Coe, refused to accept Cockney as a language so he can "Shut is fucking norf and souf!"
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Showing page 24 (of 72 pages)
