Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Showing page 20 (of 72 pages)
Swedish giant forced to eat humble "horse pie!"
Swedish furniture giant, Ikea, not only drives their customers horse-mad whilst building their furniture; they also leave them "chomping at the bit" after eating their meatballs!
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Russian washing machine washes too good!
Russia has a super washing machine for laundering their dirty money; there is just one problem, the Mafia and rich Russians always forget to put the coins in the slot and slip out without paying!
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London is officially a multi-culti majority!
No more "holy ghost", egg & bacon, pie & mash and a cuppa "Rosy Lee". London has a multi-culti majority as white indigenous Londoners run to the hills; Cotswolds preferably (if they can afford it)!
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85 year-old Volga Olga reveals sexual secrets!
Ancient Russian hag and world famous nymphomaniac, Volga Olga, has revealed her secret recipe for non-stop sex even into the nineties; two tea spoons of Chia seeds and 2 bottles of vodka a day!
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New Pope will be Russian!
God sent a meteor crashing into Russia and has written the name of the new Pope on the side. The Vatican are excited that God personally chose the new Pope and thank Gazprom for sponsoring him!
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Coca Cola deadly or not?
A woman has died after drinking 10 buckets of Coca Cola daily; maybe she should have tried Cocaine; don't need so much, much healthier, not lethal and doesn't rot your teeth!
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Europeans blame UK for disappearing horses!
Europeans are blaming the UK for the disappearance of thousands of horses. The evidence was clear where the horses were going after French police found this note on a stable door: Find-us-if-u-can!
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German Jobcentre offer bum job in a brothel!
A German girl was offered a bum job in a brothel by the local Jobcentre. The job was as a cleaning lady and the girl refused because it could become too much of a handful!
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Gazza goes to rehab on a pint!
Gazza downed a final pint before entering rehab in the US. He told the scum paparazzi why; "You try taking penalties against the Germans, they drive anybody to drink!"
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Richard III was not a car park attendant!
History has proven that Richard III was definitely not a car park attendant so the skull found under a car park is not his; it belonged to a medieval Traffic Warden; hunchbacked bastard!
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Boarded-up shops in UK = evolution?
Sir Terry Leahy, ex-Tesco boss claims he loves high streets with boarded-up shops! He even claims Darwin is to blame because Tesco's mean evolution and high street shops are devolution!
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OAP hooligirl banned from Tesco!
OAP, Christine Crow, has been banned from Tesco's for acting like a "hooligirl"! It's a good job she wasn't in Lidl; she would have been shot on sight!
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When is volcanic ash an act of God?
Volcanic ashes to ashes is an act of god claimed Ryanair boss Michael O Leary and because he is a self proclaimed "god" and "good samaritan" he is to blame! So pay up you tight sod!
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William Tell, Robin Hood; "Duckheads" never!
Robin Hood is alive and kicking and now William Tell has joined him proving that old "Duckheads" never die even if William has shot one through the head! "Pint of Crossbow luv!"
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Queen Beatrix of Holland abdicates!
Queen Beatrix of Holland is to abdicate and has advised Queen Elizabeth to do the same. After they both retire Beatrix wishes to join Elizabeth in a "JOINT" venture; Double Dutch one of course!
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God tells man to spend 200Kon his church!
God told a UK man to donate 200K on one of his churches, so he did it proving money is not the root of all evil (sometimes)!
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Scientists prove that dung beetles are not crap!
Scientists have proven that dung beetles can read the stars and are guided by them too meaning they're not full of crap like humans are!
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Eden Hazard is not guilty!
Chelsea's Eden Hazard is not guilty because he missed that ball boy's balls and the boy faked the injury. Eden will not apologise because he say's the boy's balls are not "Blue" enough!
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Welsh Rarebit gets toasted in Norway!
A lorry load of cheese turned into a load of Welsh rarebit after being toasted in a Norwegian tunnel; thank god there was no jam on board!
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UK Illegal immigrants paying to get out not in!
After years of waiting for the chance to get into the UK, illegal immigrants are now paying to get out! The main reason is Cameron & Co! Anybody would pay to get rid of him!
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Ned is dead!
Ned Kelly, scourge of the corrupt English in Australia is dead and been buried. Queen Victoria turned in her grave at the news!
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Horseburgers or hamburgers; sex or no sex?
The horse-meat burger scandal rocking Britain is not as bad as it seems because horseburgers make people thin, hamburgers make them fat and anybody who eats them turns into a 'mercurial stud'!
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Lady Gaga buys Neverland!
Loony Lady Gaga has bought Michael Jackson's Neverland because his ghost still haunts the place and has wrote Lady a brand new song called; "I'm mad so mad!" She's also bought Shutter Island!
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Bum cream crucified Lance Armstrong!
Lance Armstrong has told Oprah Winfrey he never took drugs, but he did wipe his sore bum with bum cream every evening and that is why they "crapped" on him!
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Showing page 20 (of 72 pages)
