Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Jaggedone.
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Showing page 15 (of 72 pages)
UEFA kicks Ukrainian teams out of Champions League!
Ukrainian teams will not be allowed to play Champions League next season because UEFA needs the gas to sponsor their competition and the Ukraine has none!
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Russian tanks roll over Ukraine!
Putin has sent his tanks in and they are now rolling over the Ukraine, Obama asked him not too but thought, "It's a gas" and that's more important than a Ukraine without gas!
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Liverpool yobs stone City snobs!
"Stone the Mancs," they screamed as Liverpool yobs attacked a bus carrying the Light Blues and not the Reds. Just goes to show how desperate life is when there's no Red Mancs left to roll over!
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Camoron appoints fellow moron Moyes as deputy PM!
PM, Cameron has appointed agony aunt, David Moyes, as deputy PM, the reason he gave was; Another loser in the bush is better than 2 headless losers running in the wild!
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Man United are pathetic!
After 35 seconds Bayern Munich proved that!
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Arsenal are pathetic!
Say's everything actually!
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Lost Malaysian plane spotted heading towards Mars!
The lost Malaysian plane was last seen being towed by a Martian UFO towards Mars. Martians are fed up sitting in round UFO's and want more comfort, thank god they missed Ryan Air!
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Light on Mars is Marlsboro!
A white light spotted on Mars has been confirmed as a Martian cowboy lighting up his favourite ciggy, a Marslboro.
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Mourinho calls zlatan a slut!
The Special One has insulted Zlatan by calling him a slut! Luckily Zlatan cannot play tomorrow so Mourinho is safe until Abramovic buys him to replace Torres who can't even score in a pussy!
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Rooney wears Lederhosen!
Wayne Rooney has bought a pair of tight fitting lederhosen in Munich and a check shirt plus several oomp pah pah CD's from local singer, Konrad Knickerbocker, Chico dropped to his knees and prayed!
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Putin invites Pope & Obama to lunch in the Crimea!
Putin has invited Obama & the Pope for lunch in the Crimea and promised to spoil them with best Beluga caviar hoping that he will be blessed by the Messiah and his rep, very fishy!
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Cameron & Obama enjoyed a 'joint' meeting!
Last weeks nuclear meeting in Holland, gave Cameron & Obama the opportunity to have a "joint" meeting. It seems they felt the "Iran weeds" were slightly overpowering and preferred Afghanistan poppies!
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Angela Merkel wants United to beat Bayern!
Angie Merkel hopes United stuff Bayern because it will then prove the fact the Uli Hoeness is a born loser!
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Juan Mata admits he is a dwarf!
United record signing,Juan Mata, had admitted he is "muy pequino" and started life as a dwarf, but through his teenage years turned into a Leprechaun. Ireland hope he changes his nationality!
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Arsene Wenger to replace Moyes!
Man United have decided to replace David Moyes with Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, because the want continuity within the club; replacing a loser with even a bigger loser!
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Liverpool promise to release slaves if they are champions!
Liverpool have promised to release all slaves waiting for departure in slave ships if they become champions this year as a sign of goodwill hoping to make all their wrongs right!
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Bayern Munich have offered United a 'white flag'!
Before Bayern Munich travel to Manchester on Tuesday they have sent a white flag to United's David Moyes hoping he will surrender before the slaughter begins. Moyes replied, "bitte sehr!"
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Obama visited Holland for a quickie!
Barack Obama visited Holland for a quickie and ended up rolling in a 'joint'. The Dutch appreciated his compliments for their lovely country and the King "jointed" in too!
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Mourinho give up on title!
The Special One, José Mourinho has given up on the title and punched a ball boy in the face to express his disappointment!
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Moyes shoots down plane over Old Trafford!
A group of Man U fans paid 840 quid for a fly over protest at Old Trafford, David Moyes paid 8400 quid for a Spitfire to shoot the thing down just like his tactics, they belong to WW2!
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Missing plane on Chilean mountain is a UFO!
A lama farmer discoverd the wreck of a plane on top of a Chilean mountain, sadly it was an UFO instead filled with cannibal corpses and wasn't worth mentioning!
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Uli Hoeness admits being a Schweinkopf!
Bayern munich director and tax cheat, Uli Hoeness, has admitted being addicted to German Bratwurst! To finance his habit, he smuggled his black money to Switzerland and turned it into Weisswurstchen!
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Ukraine declares war on Malta!
After being threatened by mighty Russia, Ukraine have decided to rattle their sabres too, and Malta has been invaded because Yalta is in Russian hands and Malta is spelt nearly the same!
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How do you say "Fuck off" in Double Dutch?
Ask Robin van Persie!
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Showing page 15 (of 72 pages)
