The recent furore over Susan Boiled led Cowell to re-examine his values and with typical humility, he has decided to undertake monastic vows. "I have been seeking a more spiritual lifestyle for some days" says Simon Cowell during a break from his...
PETA and the ALF have called upon the government to demonstrate consistency with the BSE and Foot and Mouth Disease epidemics of a few years ago. "The government was quick to slaughter and burn the corpses of animals with or liable to catch the di...
In a daring and it must be said, brave performance, Sacha Baron-Cohen has repeated his lap dance for Eminem - only this time, the recipient was Iran's President Avadmedinnerdad. The occasion was glittering - the annual awards ceremony for the Aca...
Sir Clive Sinclair, well-known for his C5 tricycle and the ZX Spectrum home computer has patented a revolutionary electrical generator that is powered by panty elastic. In a break with tradition, Sir Clive has assigned the patent rights "to all of...
Liverpool clairvoyant Derek Acorah has taken the unusual step of checking into HM Prison Kendal without having been charged with an offence or sentenced to a term of incarceration. Acorah has taken this action because he has predicted that he will...
In a shock announcement, Joanna Lumley has revealed that she served in the ranks of the Royal Gurkha Rifles as Rifleman Limbahadur Gurung. Ms Lumley served for 12 years in the 40's and 50's and rose to the rank of Lance Corporal. She was posted to...
In a report published today, scientists based at the University of California (Los Angeles) claim that research has proven horoscopes to be accurate. In a striking section of the 600-page document, a survey of Taurus and Gemini subjects activities...
Oxford and Harvard educated David Millipede has perfected street-cred speech mannerisms that stand comparison with Tony Bliar at his coolest. Speaking yesterday on the Today programme, Mr Millipede demonstrated near-perfect use of the glottal sto...
Embattled Prime Minister Gordon Brown came to the front door of No 10, Downing Street at 1155 am today and spoke to a small group of passing tourists. It is worth noting that Downing Street has been opened to the public as a demonstration of the n...
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