The voice of my friend Shylock Humes was like an icicle snapping in January in the Fenlands. "No, Inspector, it simply will not do", he said. "Mr Herring", he continued, addressing the ancient butler of Pwthylliggrionngngrdngnadd Hall, "Inspector Stanley Livingstone-Stanley may be said to have a well-constructed case against you in the matter of the death of Lord Clinker of Llandrinndrbdriod...
My friend Mr Shylock Humes was in determined mood, now that he could see his way forward. He was always more determined when he could see his way forward than when he could only see backwards. "There is no time to be lost", he cried. "The game's afoot. To the Drawling Room once more!" "Why did you repeat yourself Humes?" I asked, somewhat perplexed. "You said that at the end of Part Five."...
I looked at my friend Shylock Humes, and then at the huddled figure in the leather armchair. "Dead, Humes?" I ejaculated. It was all right, the butler had a cloth I could use. "No, Flotsam", answered my friend Shylock Humes. "I am not dead - though, in view of the paltry audience we get for this rubbish, I may as well be. No, I mean the figure in this leather armchair. His Lordship. He is qu...
Marine Biologists from all over the world gathered in amazement in Plymouth this week to witness this spectacular discovery. The Bermuda Triangle, for centuries the biggest danger to ships around Bermuda was dragged up in a fisherman's trawler ne...
LOS ANGELES - A man in a black suit arrived at a scene, and has been an active citizen. The man, whose name has not yet been obtained, wore a black suit and wore dark shades. At the scene, this man has been helping locals refrain from approaching...
After a good nights sleep, the three men emerged from the dank gloom of the inn. Eager to get going, Graves hailed the stable lad and requested thier horses be saddled. The stable lad spoke. "You ate them last night" "Wot do you mean, we ate them last night?" ask Graves. "You ordered steak and chippings didnt you? Where do you think we got the steak from, Tesco?" laughed the lad. "Lets go...
We looked around the room. Shylock Humes was conspicuous by his absence. The Turkish cushions where he had been smoking lay in a shapeless heap in the corner. Well, that is not strictly accurate. It was a heap-shaped heap. But the cushions were definitely in it. That much is true. The fire had gone out. It was always doing that, without telling us where it was going. No doubt it would come cree...
"Inspector Livingstone-Stanley I presume!" I ejaculated (where was Mrs Dudson with her cloth when you needed it). The Inspector winced, as he always did when I made this joke (the David Livingstone joke, not the ejaculation joke - the latter is just between me and you). Inspector Stanley Livingstone-Stanley was all for bursting into the parlour to see Shylock Humes, but I was able to foresta...
Throckmortons was packed. There was a sale of hats on. I fought my way through the crowd, determined to avoid being taken for a fool, and to stick to my mission - the purchase of two storage jars for fruit-bottling purposes. An hour later, alighting from the hansom at 221B Candlestick Maker Street with the new storage jars, a top hat, a sou'wester and a bowler, I was accosted by a thoroughly d...
"Make a long arm and consult Bradshaw, Flotsam!" My friend Shylock Humes sat hunched in his armchair like a broken-backed black beetle smoking his 'thinking pipe'. Why he wanted an armchair shaped like a pipe-smoking beetle was beyond me. At least I could rely on good old Bradshaw. "You need the 5:30 express from Victoria, Humes, as far as Littlehampton. Then take the 9:15 Rottingdean sleepe...
In Arkansas, there are so many questions and no answers to the mysterious death of thousands of birds and fish that a host of investigators have been brought in from all branches of law enforcement. At a Press Conference today they discussed some of...
The World was in a state of panic yesterday. People in every nook and cranny of this wonderous globe woke up to find 'all holes missing'. People wandered happily, into doughnut shops, unaware of the issue, and came out crestfallen. No holes in their doughnuts meant that they weren't really doughnuts after all. As they looked around them and discussed the situation, many admitted they had...
Both British and American scientists are excited about what may happen on November 30th during a twelve-hour period that day. "If you lie down flat on your back on your bed, the gravity pull of the sun on the three planets in a line will make you...
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