London - Holed up in a grotty geriatric ward at London's King Edward Potatoes Clinic for Past-it Duffers the Duke of Edinburgh had a terrifying vision last night. Apparently someone told him that a once-in-a-lifetime Sun-Venus conjunction on Tuesd...
Michael Law and Jessica Cotton have admitted that it was them, and not Kate and William Windsor at the Jubilee Concert. "We're the country's best Kate and Wills look-a-likes," said Jessica. "As Kate and Wills wanted a little alone time, they gave...
Environmentalists have slammed the Island's decision to have a ring of fire around the island to celebrate the Queen's Jubilee. Fifteen hundred beacons were set up at quarter mile intervals around the island, and were all lit on Bank Holiday Mond...
A man was admitted to hospital today after going slightly mad because of the blanket media coverage of the four day Queens Diamond Jubilee celebrations. The man, Ray Di O'Garger, of Italian-Irish descent told reporters: "On saturday I read abou...
Yesterday's Diamond Jubilee River Pageant has today been blasted by entertainment watchdogs as being either the worst, or else the second worst televised Royal event ever. Neville Grant, a spokesman for the British Television Media Authority said...
Taking time out from her Diamond Jubilee celebrations, Queen Elizabeth of England has called English Prime Minster Roy Hodgson and told him to "Do one for me!" It has been 60 years, the same amount of time the Queen has been President of England s...
Prince Harry and Prince William did not sing the traditional words to the National Anthem during the Diamond Jubilee finale. Expert Lip readers were brought in to attempt to work out what they were singing. "We think they were singing something ab...
The Queen narrowly escaped death this afternoon when falling overboard from the Thames cruiser Spirit of Chartwell during today's Royal Jubilee river pageant. The incident occurred as the boat, converted into a barge for the day, went underneath...
A&E departments across the capital have reported a surge in admissions today as a steady stream of TV correspondents appear to be signing themselves in for treatment; suffering from a new and worrying illness, brought on by The Diamond Jubilee,...
On the verge of the world celebrating the longest serving monarch, a shocking piece of tapestry made in 1958 has been found by a royal collector, that has called into question the early years of the monarch and her close relationships with some of th...
Annoymous AUS resident reveals how after parties at Australian tour have been getting wilder by the day. The young "entrepeneur" has questioned the countless amount of trips to the loo the queen has been making in the arms of "dreamy" Australian...
Buckingham Palace staff ran for cover Friday night when the Duke of Edinburgh flew into a rage, when Her Majesty suggested that he ought to retire to his bed at ten pm, as the Royal Family were facing quite a hectic weekend, and that he ought to get...
The Queen has decided that, to commemorate her Diamond Jubilee, she will revert to her natural speaking style for the day on June 4th. Although she usually affects a very precise BBC English accent, coming from the west end of London means she natur...
Dear Constituents I have had a most hectic week. Tomorrow I am due to make a public appearance at a Garden Fete and Jubilee tea party. It doesn't start until 2pm so I'll squeeze in an hour signing letters before a shortened "Meet your MP" session in the Red Lion. After that I'll work on a few words to say at the Fete or, most probably, dig out the speech I did last year if I can find...
Queen Elizabeth the Second (First place was won centuries ago) is to round off her Diamond Jubilee celebrations by visiting Brian May's house and performing We Will Rock You stood on his roof. "Liz is really looking forward to this," said Prince P...
Windsor - It's been earwigged - er...earmarked! - for decades as the final resting place of Queen Elizabeth Windsor. This morning plans to demolish Frogmore's visitors toilet block took an unexpected turn as a huge fissure appeared, cracking open...
Derrière of dreams, Pippa Middleton's arse, was said this evening to be celebrating after having landed itself a lucrative new deal, in what's rumoured to be a seven figure sum with the total dross TV channel ITV 2. The bountiful bum-hole is beli...
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