NACOGDOCHES, Texas - Selena Gomez was in East Texas visiting her Uncle Chepito "Sizzle" Bellafelli who recently retired from The Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus where he performed as a fire eater for 37 years. Selena said that growin...
HM Queen Elizabeth II has been ordered to muzzle her corgis in public places and has been summoned to appear at the Central London Magistrates Court, in order to answer a charge under the Dangerous Dogs Act. The move follows a vicious attack by tw...
London - She's been quick to pack Philip off to the Hellfire Club's Final Daze Spa & Crematorium at the latest episode of chronic malingering according to Palace sources. This weekend advertisements in the Autumn issues of The Oldie, Fox N Hou...
Balmoral Castle, Scotland - A crack team from the Special Astrological Service in charge of stars' and celebs' security is behind the move amid unprecedented planetary alignments. These show a celestial Grand Cross forming in the zodiac's cardinal...
Her Majesty the Queen has decided that as from next Tuesday the river Thames is to be renamed the 'River Queen Elizabeth II' in her honour. The Prime Minister has been informed of the decision. It was explained to the Prime Minister that she no lo...
London - That deadpan expression at the Olympic Opening Ceremony was likened to a battery acid smile crafted by morticians for the Old Queen Mum's trip to the crem. Worried US commentators such as ABC anchor Barbara Walters put it more kindly, rem...
The Great Britain Olympic team was said to be "in tatters" this morning after news emerged that the result of a random drugs test carried out on Her Majesty the Queen after Her opening ceremony parachute jump, had turned out positive. The Queen co...
After her much trumpeted acting debut at the understated Olympic opening ceremony, the Queen's Hollywood career looks set to begin. Universal are understood to be in talks with her majesty about a film chronicling the life and times of Helen Mirre...
The Prime Minister has ordered two hundred additional troops to be deployed at London's Olympic Village as a result of the now confirmed breach of security there last Friday night when a black cat somehow managed to slip iundetected into the main Oly...
In a statement Buckingham Palace has confirmed that after Queen Elizabeth's fake helicopter jump for the Olympic opening ceremony, her Majesty is to make a real jump from a helicopter. Her Majesty will make the jump this Tuesday at noon. The h...
The Associated Press is reporting this morning that presidential candidate Mitt Romney did it again yesterday and one more time, "stepped in it," as the report states. After a disastrous start in the morning when he criticized the British preparatio...
London - An early Regency astronomical clock displayed in Buckingham Palace's Lower Corridor was the first to shudder to a halt according to reports. "Its shining orbs crashed suddenly," a Royal Collection curator said today, "much like other, er,...
Glasgow - Scottish nationalists are in the frame for a July 4th plot to put Elizabeth Windsor out of her Diamond Jubilee misery. Her annual Scotland visit sees the long-running Cold War hoaxer prepare to dignify tomorrow's Glasgow Cathedral Nation...
Royal watchers have blamed the Queen for a 100% increase in the cost of subsiding the monarchy. Every year, the tax payer contributes a whopping half a million pounds towards the Royal Family (who gets their remaining several million pounds from...
London - A karmic thunderbolt threatens to smite down Elizabeth Windsor on Thursday as she unveils the World War II memorial in Hyde Park. Scenes of her glad handing IRA murderer Martin McGuinness this morning have suck - er...stuck! - in the craw...
As the world watched Belfast today in anticipation of an historical handshake, details emerged of unsavoury scenes during preparations for the event. During Her Majesty's Jubilee visit to Northern Ireland she was expected to shake hands with Deput...
London - A daft Palace memo to all aspiring wannabes has set out protocol guidelines over who should curtsey to whom. "I bow to no one," is how Queen Elizabeth put it last week while updating a new royal pecking order for her moron entourage. T...
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