Born in 1883 a Maggie May from Glasgow talks about how she has managed to stay alive for so long. "I ran out of salt one day when I was eating my fish and chips, so I sprinkled some 'Calgon' over my dinner" "It tasted lovely so I stopped using...
Scientist's have finally revealed the mystery of the soul's location. Dr. Barry White MD explains: "The discovery occurred when we were investigating the weight of the human soul. "We had some data that the human soul weighs 21 grams. This was...
A recent report written by some scientists somewhere up north suggests that babies are better off being fed pork pies and lidl scotch eggs than their mother's breast milk. The study, written on the back of a broken furbie, advises mothers to stop...
A trip to a local music store almost ended in tragedy for one man in Bangkok yesterday, after he inadvertently let his eyes see the cover of the CD by former Britain's Got Talent singing sensation Susan Boyle. The man, Moys Kenwood, was perusing t...
Half of the UK's workforce ground to a halt today, including yours truly, as the population were confined to beds. Manflu, also known as "Extremely Fatal Disease" to men, and "Non-existent phenomena for a day off" to women, struck us all down, lea...
A small mining town in East Texas has been the epicentre of a new disease called Magnetic Testicle Syndrome(MTS) Dr. Dick Thorn MD of East Texas Medical Centre explains 'A patient arrived at the centre who could not get off his bike. At first,...
A recent study from nutritionists at the University of Newcastle has shown that a cup of Blueberries every day stops senility in its tracks. Even a very small cup, say doll house sized. Violet Beauregarde, who led the study, initially bred mice th...
Shock as a deadly new disease promises to cause thousands of sore heads; a million runny noses and an excuse for pupils to skive school: Pope Flu is heading for the UK. The deadly new flu is thought to have begun after the Pope was seen coughing d...
The levels of global hunger have risen dramatically and Obese people the world over are on the rampage! Recent attacks on M**Donalds, Bu***r K**g, Kentucky F***d Ch***en have proven this point as overweight, desperate, gorging fatties raid the fas...
Scientists are working feverishly to find new ways to fight antibiotic-resistant strains of staph bacteria such as e-coli and MRSA, which have become epidemic throughout the world. The one insect you thought might be responsible for spreading such ba...
Washington DC: Congress has banned the sale, transportation and production of salt in the USA. Pickle, potato chip and pretzel manufacturers, chefs, fish processors and various US frost-belt snow removal companies have filed federal court challenges,...
THEY'RE BAA-AAACK!! "Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite" has taken on a whole new meaning as Eastern Iowa residents are sleeping with one eye open these nights. As if the beleagured residents haven't had enough problems with f...
Put down the sushi and grab a Big Mac, fries and a shake: Researchers at McDonalds have finished a yearlong study that correlated body fat with male sexual prowess. Their findings may surprise you: Fat men were able to make love for an average of...
Vitamin B has now been proven to prevent the brain shrinking and delay Alzheimers, "sorry what was that vitamin called?" Scientists have been testing Vitamin B on people first showing sympons of forgetfullness, "excuse me where am I?" The resul...
The growing popularity of operations to deal with the obesity problems besetting some over large people have caused a business man to put forward schemes he feels would be more straightforward, and very effective. 'We have ample hotel vacancies in...
The medical world has been rocked today by a sensational new claim from Jill Mottershed from Barnsley who has sensationally revealed a new, low cost, guaranteed form of weight loss. "It was quite simple really." Reveals Jill "I'd tried loads of di...
A team of medical specialists today revealed that Sarah Palin is suffering from Reagan Disease. The malady is so named because Ronald Reagan was its first famous sufferer. The disorder is characterized by a relentlessly sunny demeanor, nonsensica...
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