A recent medical report released by a part time biologist, medical journal writer, and full time vegetarian claims the regular use of bananas can halt the spread of Aids! Still not tested by the FDA, the report states that a special ingredient in...
Public health authorities around the world are warning the public not to use 'hand sanitizer' lotions which advertise protection from illness. 'It's bad enough that hand sanitizers offer people a false sense of security', said Bertram Beecham of t...
WASHINGTON DC - President Obama on Friday announced the end of a 22-year ban on travel to the United States by dead people, fulfilling a promise he made to necrophilia advocates and acting to eliminate a restriction he said was "rooted in fear rather...
Author's Note - The actual advice columnist who gave such advice was not "Miss Terry". For liability reasons, her name is changed to that. If one was aware of the actual name, the article would be funnier. - Dean West Washington, D.C. - Recently...
NEW YORK - A new AIDS vaccine study shows promising results. Even though the new vaccine does not prevent a person from getting aids, or cure a person with aids, it can help to prevent the spread of the disease. It works by amplification of the d...
San Francisco, Ca. / Rolling Stone - Just when medical authorities thought they had the AIDS epidemic under control in this liberal bastion of vegetarian recyclers and 40 something confused virgin dogmatic loners, the social disease has reared it'...
KwaZula-Natal, South Africa - Thousand of anonymous tips are piling up and causing a health problem at Orange Farm, South Africa, as hordes of African males arrive hourly to subject themselves to circumcision. Responding to nationwide ads feat...
Scientists have been experimenting with a three month old baby girl who had Swine Flu (which originally diagnosed people in Mexico). They diagnosed her with the sexual transmitted disease AIDS and the flu just seemed to disappear. Scientists have...
Cameroon, Africa - Facebook nerds and geeks (mostly from European countries) recently held a joint press conference via Webcam from their bedrooms, recreation dens and basements of their parents' houses today, vowing to remain celibate and save the w...
Pope Benedict XVI has contracted AIDS during his tour of Africa, according to reports coming from the Vatican. The Pope, it is said, accidentally caught the disease after shaking hands with Angolan President Jose Eduardo dos Santos was he welcomed...
Pope Benedict, on his first visit to Africa, today claimed that no contraception and people that can hardly afford to eat sending their money to the Vatican is helpful to the African people. 'It's helpful', he said in Cameroon. 'OK, it isn't, but...
A U.S. scientist has created a strain of the human AIDS virus that's able to infect and multiply in monkeys in a step toward testing future vaccines in monkeys before trying them in people, according to a new study. "If monkeys ever revolt, that...
Disciples of the Behaviorist school of psychological conditioning and its deceased master BF Skinner urged the AIDS education community to use their methods. Dr Peckham Quayle cited Skinner's successful experiments in teaching pigeons to play ping po...
The Centers for Disease Control proudly unveiled statistics today proving that 75% of teenage girls show no signs of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). President George W. Bush proclaims that the figures represent a triumph for his "abstinen...
Atlanta, Georgia - The Center for Disease Control (CDC) announced today that more people have died from the so-called Superbug Staph infection (Methicillin/oxacillin resistant staphylococcus aureus or MRSA) than have died from AIDS in the United Stat...
(China)- A recent experiment conducted in a Bejing lab, concluded yesterday that a cure for AIDS could be on shelves as early as 2020.
LONDON (Defecated News) - The World Health Organisation (WHO) released a report last week in which it was announced that 'Fruit Is An Evil Bastard Food'.
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