The offer of $40Bn to turn Scotland into a MacDisney Theme Park with Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip as "fairy tale" Queen and King will not be accepted, a Scottish Nationalist claimed while addressing a meeting of the "What to do with Scotland" pa...
Balmoral, Scotland - A desperate royal charm offensive kicked in today countering rumors that Queen Elizabeth will snuff it this weekend 17 years after topping Princess Diana. Reports about her kicking the bucket started at breakfast just as Balm...
Julian Sidebottom was born in Clapham London and changed his name to Olaf Arsoff while still a student at the Slade School of Art. He was expelled in his first year for alleged non-attendance and heroin addiction. His flatmate at the time said of him...
Despite Estimate, one of HRH Queen Elizabeth's horses accidentally getting contaminated food in its nosh bag, this year has seen many high points for the Queen's horses, the Palace said this morning. "Some of the horses that her nags mix with though,...
London - One of Queen Elizardbirth's ghastly corgis has been caught shooting up heroin at a Kennel Club party. Royal Protection Racket sniffer dogs caught canine smack head Duchess Kate walking the dog in Rotten Row, London's top hangout for palac...
After discovering huge amounts of morphine in the Queen's horse (one of many) the royal vet, Sir Humphrey Nag, a renowned horse whisperer, issued the following statement: "The Queen's horse, who shall remain anonymous, has confirmed the fact that...
Only a year old and yet body language experts have already signalled that Prince George will be fantastic at both crying and pooping. "We studied several videos of the young prince and surprisingly he showed a real interest in crying his head off...
Shares in Edinburgh Tattoo, the high class tattoo studio chain, received a boost at close of trading last night after it was rumoured that it had contacted Balmoral Body Art, the place where Prince Andrew was rumoured to have had his famous "Mother"...
The queen is to name the U.K.s biggest warship Bazil because it sounds like her favourite herb. The Queen is due to give the name to the largest warship built in the UK at a ceremony in Fife's Rosyth dockyard. She will smash a bottle of whisky on...
London - A 2005 oil on canvas of Queen Elizabeth executed by convicted Oz pervert Rolf Harris has 'vanished' from Prince George's nursery at Kensington Palace. Commissioned to mark her 80th birthday the 8ft by 6ft portrait was first hung in 2007...
London - Football's coming home alright with the announcement that newly knighted Sir Roy Hodgson of Pratts Bottom and his victory team are to be treated to a fab Palace garden party to mark their historic World Cup win (WTF? 'Ed'). Sunday's no ex...
Queen Elizabeth II and any other Royal Heads of State will in future be removable to prevent Kings, Dukes Queens and even Jacks hanging onto power like Queen Elizabeth. The "Thatcher Syndrome" where crazed obsessives believe themselves to be ind...
Having been informed by her army of Doctors that she should 'ease' up on the numerous annual overseas holidays for fear of her long-term sidekick Phil the Greek either croaking or crapping himself midair, HRH Liz is becoming increasingly bored shitle...
Paris, France - The world famous Marché aux Puces has been renamed after Queen Elizabeth after Parisians compared her 70th D Day Commemoration outfit to a bit of thrift shop tat. This morning President Francois Hollande escorted the octogenarian m...
London - The Chelsea Flower Show has been rocked by a royal extramarital shagging caper among the Love Lies Bleeding (Amaranthus caudatus) borders. Early this morning Prince Philip was caught doing something lurid with a large mink-fur paintbrush...
Crawford, Texas - An invitation by the fledgling artist to capture HM 'au naturel' has backfired for the former President after Queen Elizabeth got wind of Bush's naturist activities from one of his former portrait shitters - uh, sitters!. Since r...
London - She's been told to take it easy as alleged old perv Rolf Harris slugs it out in the dock at London's Central Criminal Court this week. The octogenarian Oz entertainer has been charged with stuff despite being appointed Royal Pissartist -...
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