Discussion Forum

I'm opening a mini supermarket in the Edinburgh area, my company motto will be, "If you see any of our products cheaper elsewhere go away and by them there you tight sod."

Not very catchy I grant you, but it conveys the message I want to get across. I'm also banning all children from the premises. I'm not totally heartless so I'll be offering a creche type facility where you can leave your kids. It'll be a shipping container with WWII hand grenades scattered about the place, a cannon stocked with explosives, and a box of matches left nearby.

Also, don't forget, when you hear the beep it means you've triggered the alarm you thieving article. (One for Supermarket Sweep fans there.)

I feel that the location of your shop could be better. Nearer Glasgow might be more suitable.

Otherwise, I think you'll do well.

What time do you start doing the price reductions of near-expiry-date goods in the evening?

I'm intrigued by the canon stocked with explosives. Is he a Christian suicide bomber?

It may be a canon stocked with expletives, I must not have been paying attention to our priests but they rarely used those except when I went to confession.

---

Quote: Erskin Quint

I'm intrigued by the canon stocked with explosives. Is he a Christian suicide bomber?

---

---

Quote: Monkey Woods

I feel that the location of your shop could be better. Nearer Glasgow might be more suitable.

Otherwise, I think you'll do well.

What time do you start doing the price reductions of near-expiry-date goods in the evening?

---

Following your advice I've ended negotiations over a building in Edinburgh and I've taken up a lease on an old Little Chef on the M8 half way between Edinburgh and Glasgow. This way I'll either get punters from both cities or none at all. I don't like half measures, as the barmaid at my local boozer will testify to.

As for reductions, well, I shall have them priced up and ready one minute before we shut. They'll be in a cabinet covered with barbed wired and there'll be a land mine under each product. Let's see how much people really want cheap goods. Anyone who loses a limb can have the stuff for free. Can't say fairer than that. Although they may have trouble carrying things.

I don't just throw this stuff together y'know. Lots of thought has gone into it.

Should they put a Best Before date on calendars?

Disregard

Fresh and Easy recently filed for bankruptcy in America. Have vacant site in my area. Are you sure you Brits are capable of running anything more complicated than a mosque? If so, I can represent you in negotiating purchase or lease.

Please provide financials with full disclosure regarding Panama money laundering operations.

Dr. B

---

Please provide financials with full disclosure regarding Panama money laundering operations.

Dr. B

---

Dr. B,

blah blah

I enclose a blank cheque for $7 million for you to pay me the money you obviously owe me.

Yours thankfully,
Donald "C***y Gingerballs" Trump

Sounds like a deal only a raving maniac would make. Count me in. Please provide bank routing number to facilitate pending transfer of funds.

Dr. B

---

Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

Please provide financials with full disclosure regarding Panama money laundering operations.

Dr. B

---

Dear Sir,

I run a Panama hat laundering operation, and we may be interested in investing in your venture. Please reply with forth or forthwith, for a full statement of particulars, and I will instruct my solicitor to instruct your solicitor to provide full instructions on how to contact your legal representative.

Acme Panama Hat Laundering Inc.

"Home of the squeaky clean crown"

---

Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

Fresh and Easy recently filed for bankruptcy in America. Have vacant site in my area. Are you sure you Brits are capable of running anything more complicated than a mosque? If so, I can represent you in negotiating purchase or lease.

Please provide financials with full disclosure regarding Panama money laundering operations.

Dr. B

---

I did open a mosque a while back. It was a time share with a pig slaughterhouse.

It failed quite quickly.

The lesson here is always research the market place thoroughly before spending big money.

Especially when it's related to religion.