Discussion Forum

I've been on the piss all day.

And the wife's due back in from work in about half an hour.

She'll fucking kill me.

Anybody got any ideas?

Please help.

Skoob.

Easy one this.
Turn on a radiator. Lie next to it so you get good and hot and red in the face. Remember to turn it off.
Find something strong smelling like vicks, or cloves or something, vinegar will do at a push, smells like acrid sweat, dowse yourself in it, hides the booze, makes you smell ill.
Get in bed. Turn the light off.
You'll probably have started throwing up anyway at this point, so make sure it's in a bucket next to the bed.
Strew paracetamol and ibruprofen packets everywhere.
Act confused and moan when the light goes on.

Flu.
Don't overdo it or you'll find yourself staring at the on call GP, who will not be pleased.

Use quick footwork to avoid her right hook..
get down low and dig an uppercut into her kidneys..
follow it up by landing several punches on her chin and temple..
then bite off her ear..

do not get drawn into any verbal exchanges..

good luck!

Thanks chaps.

Didn't work.

Looks like a divorce court job.

Why don't women have a sense of humour?

Fuctifino

Skoob.

I really am in deep shit this time.

The unexpected compliment works wonders - you say "darling there's something different about you tonight"

She reddening and fluttering eyelashs says " Oh really what's that?"

You say "You're not effing moaning at me for a change" exit through door rapido stage left.