Discussion Forum

Signs that you are sicker than the hospital is telling you:


Your visiting Mum keeps saying, "Oh, I wish it were me instead...but you'll be fine" and runs out the door.

Total stranger comes in and measures you. "A bit snug but yes, I think you'll fit right in there."

You overhear the nurse in the hallway saying, "Looks like it'll be Sunday morning. That stupid Alice will win the pool again!"

You end up in the bed next to the door.

I can see you've been in hospital in the uk.

You know when the doc tuts at every page of your records he opens

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Quote: Erskin Quint

You end up in the bed next to the door.

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When an incoming patient says, "Oh, you're still here?" and deposits her luggage in the room, saying she'll check back in a few minutes.

Your alphabetti spaghetti only contains the letters M, R, S and A.

Every time you sneeze, somebody comes running to your bed.

The machine next to you goes beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

You see a bright light and have the urge to go that way.

The bloke in the bed next to you asks what shoe size you are because he's worn his slippers out.

There's an anthropomorphic personification in a cowl with a scythe stood at the end of your bed, tapping his foot and looking at his watch.

Iain

You just ran into Jimmy Hoffa, and only the thing he had to say was, "What the hell took you so long?"

As usual, he wasn't all that amused with my typical story about getting stuck behind yet another Woodward Ave. Dream Cruise, and then (as luck, and a certain amount of White Castle hamburgers fate would have it) taking the wrong exit off the Lodge during what is still, surprisingly enough, something of a pain in the ass rush hour.

Oh well. Maybe all that ongoing seasonal racket in the New York Giants end zone is finally beginning to take it's toll on the still, decidedly charming, yet forever determined, old man.

j/p.

The doctor laughs when you tell him you feel better.

The dog stops getting your slippers.

Your wife stops moaning.

Your kids start talking to you.

Your boss gives you a pay rise.

Arm xxx

Nurses are collecting for a wreath and you overhear them saying your name.

Relatives you have not seen in years begin visiting in groups.

Your newsagent comes in to ask you to settle your outstanding bill.

You begin receiving chemotherapy treatment when you 'only' came in to have a bunion removed.

LG

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Your wife stops moaning.

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Arm you've cheered me up cos I thought I was at death's door


why do I get this vision in my head of you listening to Terry Wogan or being Chairman of his fan club

Lynton......I agree

LG

You keep waking up with a sheet over your head and a tag on your toe.

Crazy Uncle Fred drops by to moon you and cackle...and he's been dead since 1997.

A man pulling a wooden cart keeps walking by your room, clanging a bell, and crying out, "Bring out your dead!"

The pink lady keeps stopping by with the organ donor forms

You're on a wing labeled; dead end!

Your cell phone was reprogramed and the ring tone is: amazing grace

A flock of turkey vultures are hanging out on your window sill

Even the bed bugs have stopped visiting you

The nurse who helps you pee into the pan is in a HAZMAT suit

Your wife has signed your name to a Do NOT RESUSCITATE form

Your insurance agent stops in to pick up next months premium himself

Good ones Morse.

The nurse taking your temperature says "86.2, that's about right."

They keep placing alcohol-filled cotton balls up your ass for "preparation."

Next patient already lying beside you in bed.

The lady with the library trolley only offers you pamphlets

I'm sure you'll enjoy Erskine's Meaningless debate thread you'll out last the lot

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Quote: John Peurach

You just ran into Jimmy Hoffa, and only the thing he had to say was, "What the hell took you so long?"

As usual, he wasn't all that amused with my typical story about getting stuck behind yet another Woodward Ave. Dream Cruise, and then (as luck, and a certain amount of White Castle hamburgers fate would have it) taking the wrong exit off the Lodge during what is still, surprisingly enough, something of a pain in the ass rush hour.

Oh well. Maybe all that ongoing seasonal racket in the New York Giants end zone is finally beginning to take it's toll on the still, decidedly charming, yet forever determined, old man.

j/p.

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The hospital chaplain has been lying in foldout chair for the past two days.

You call the wife and kids and some strange lady answers, "They're on vacation in Florida. Borrowed some money against a life insurance policy I think. I'm the house sitter."

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Quote: Amethyst Ryder

A man pulling a wooden cart keeps walking by your room, clanging a bell, and crying out, "Bring out your dead!"

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hahahahahahahha
Black Plague references. Why did this make me laugh? I must be sicker than I thought.

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Quote: Lynton

The lady with the library trolley only offers you pamphlets

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Ah a quick death. That is actually comforting in a morbid sort of way.