Discussion Forum

I'm feeling very British today.

I have no idea why. I just woke up this morning feeling very British. Cranky, impatient, bullish, boorish, haughty, snappy, superior, condescending, intolerant, and with a craving for coffee.

It's my first day off work of four.

My how things have changed in the four days since I've been away. My good friend and one time drinking buddy Morse has hit numero uno on the writer chart. Well done Cap!

We're having a fridge delivered today. One of those American ones, the size of two portaloos. More space for the wife to hoard stuff. Our homicidal cat got so excited by the prospect of a new fridge that it fell asleep. The stupid one is outside sleeping on the window sill in the rain.

The wife is on the phone, continuing her one woman campaign to bump up BT's profits.

I'm trying to conjure up another bunch of crap Spoofs that nobody will bother to read or rate, but I take consolation in the knowledge that I'm contributing to the 100k story target for 2011.

Next stop, the shops.

Anybody else wake up this morning feeling really British, or American, or Chinese, or whatever?

Regards

Skoob.

I woke up feeling (a)Russian.

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Quote: Earl Grey

I woke up feeling (a)Russian.

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...and I'm sure it wasn't some lumpy potato...more like a sleek, countoured bottle of Stoly....peach flavoured...the kind that makes your mouth water and your hands shake.....

Ok, back to sleep now Earl ...it's only a DREAM!

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Quote: Morse

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Quote: Earl Grey

I woke up feeling (a)Russian.

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...and I'm sure it wasn't some lumpy potato...more like a sleek, countoured bottle of Stoly....peach flavoured...the kind that makes your mouth water and your hands shake.....

Ok, back to sleep now Earl ...it's only a DREAM!

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Oh no it isn't!

And she's just come home.

Time for the mouth to water and the hands to shake again.....

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Quote: Skoob1999

I'm feeling very British today.

Regards

Skoob.

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Now, there's a healthy start to what could be a long running thread. (There I just Jinxed it) In the spirit of both self awareness and in an attempt to truly understand your global neighbor... this is a great topic. Skoob, I might suggest that you're not off the rails at all, rather, quite lucid, intellectual, and socially aware. OK, back to Spoof persona.... Byte Me.


I'm feeling particularly American today. I filled my tank at 5:30 AM, not particularly aware (at the time) that I pay far less per gallon or liter than most every country on Earth, but we've always had this benefit and we tend not to think about it until we travel out of the country. It was a busy 45 minute commute, where for a 10 mile stretch I had to employ some serious defensive driving to stay alive, but I'm from Detroit originally and the car is merely an extension of my arms and feet. No harm done, and I've always fancied myself a competitor in the world of road racing. I listen to the news and hear angered interviews from Haitians about how America isn't doing enough, or doing it fast enough. I hear angered interviews from Pakistan about America's plan to destroy then take over their country, when all we want, really, is Bin Laden and all his training camps to explode with no survivors. I remind myself, based on world bombings since December, that it isn't only America's problem.

The office is still empty. I am an early bird here. I grew fond of fresh bagels while working in NYC and have to have one every morning. Thank God Einstein's is open at 5:30. Panera can't make a decent bagel. Today it's an onion bagel with bacon and cheese. Grain, Pork, and Dairy. With a little caffeine, there is no better start to the morning. I stop thinking about world hunger. Not because I'm an insensitive prick, but because we have (for better or worse) an endless breadbasket here in this country. It becomes an expectation, a part of daily life, many here don't know any different, and yet with the rising homeless population in America, many of them do.

Then, for 30 glorius minutes, I try to be funny. I Spoof. I Blog. I read. I rate stories. I think what a party might be like between the regulars on this site. It would be a good party. I like the gang here. Good batch of humans. Diverse, talented, hopeful, critical, energetic, sensitive and then insensitive.

You'd all make good Americans. And by the way, though you may not interpret that as a compliment, I meant for it to be.

Good Day Spoofers. Off to the grind.
PM

Morning PM!

News had on a segment about Hugo Chavez claiming the Haitian earthquake was caused by the US with a new secret weapon. Quake-O-Matic or something I guess. He claims we plan to use it next against Iran. Funny guy that Chavez. Hedging his bets too, since Iran sits on some major fault zones so sooner or later he'll take credit for being right, whoa...LEFT!

Enjoy your bagel!

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Quote: Skoob1999

I just woke up this morning feeling very British. Cranky, impatient, bullish, boorish, haughty, snappy, superior, condescending, intolerant, and with a craving for coffee.

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So did I, I call it a hangover!!

Nah, Nick.

Not a hangover. I haven't touched a drop since New Year's Day. That's true. I just don't feel like boozing at the moment. I've rediscovered the guilty pleasures of tea, coffee, hot chocolate and Horlicks.

Don't ask me why. I have no idea.

Probably just a phase.

Regards

Skoob.

PM

Hope you enjoyed the bagel.

Always good to hear from you.

Regards

Skoob.

Mark has asked Hugo to join our band of spoof writers, as Chavez comes up with some very "off-the-wall" notions.

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Quote: Bargis Tryhol

Morning PM!

News had on a segment about Hugo Chavez claiming the Haitian earthquake was caused by the US with a new secret weapon. Quake-O-Matic or something I guess. He claims we plan to use it next against Iran. Funny guy that Chavez. Hedging his bets too, since Iran sits on some major fault zones so sooner or later he'll take credit for being right, whoa...LEFT!

Enjoy your bagel!

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I felt a British sausage once, haven't been the same since.

Was it frozen JO?

Regards

Skoob.

Please, let's find a way to get Skoob drinking again. He's so much nicer that way. Crabby old coot!

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Quote: Skoob1999

Was it frozen JO?

Regards

Skoob.

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It had the type of skin that one would not wish upon anybody, nobbly, grissly and quite disgusting to look at.

As far as I remember I was in Cumberland and not sitting on the mens WC.

The Butcher had rosy cheeks though?

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Quote: Bargis Tryhol

Please, let's find a way to get Skoob drinking again. He's so much nicer that way. Crabby old coot!

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Bargis old chum

I resent that.

As punishment, I shall advise my friends at the Temperance Group to boycott your Spoof articles. Not to worry. They don't read the Spoof anyway. Miserable bastards.

Regards

Skoob.

I thought Pat Robertson was blaming the quake on Haitians.

"Pat is blaming the Haitian people's ancestors for the 7.0-magnitude earthquake that killed thousands in the impoverished Caribbean nation on Tuesday, January 12, 2009."

"According to Robertson, the Haitians "were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III and whatever." Robertson said that a pact was made with the devil to help the Haitians defeat the French. Robertson claims it is a true story that the devil freed the Haitians from the French in return for their promise to serve him."

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Quote: Bargis Tryhol

Morning PM!

News had on a segment about Hugo Chavez claiming the Haitian earthquake was caused by the US with a new secret weapon. Quake-O-Matic or something I guess. He claims we plan to use it next against Iran. Funny guy that Chavez. Hedging his bets too, since Iran sits on some major fault zones so sooner or later he'll take credit for being right, whoa...LEFT!

Enjoy your bagel!

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Quote: victor nicholas

I thought Pat Robertson was blaming the quake on Haitians.

"Pat is blaming the Haitian people's ancestors for the 7.0-magnitude earthquake that killed thousands in the impoverished Caribbean nation on Tuesday, January 12, 2009."

"According to Robertson, the Haitians "were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III and whatever." Robertson said that a pact was made with the devil to help the Haitians defeat the French. Robertson claims it is a true story that the devil freed the Haitians from the French in return for their promise to serve him."


VC, following question, what the fuck has your effort to do with feeling British?

Haiti was neither a Brit Colony or did Britain want anyhing to do with the shithole!

James Bond was there once though, VC please refrain from diversing into other geographical areas although Canada belonged to us once upon a time!

I'm still feeling British.

Regards

Skoob.

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Quote: Skoob1999

I'm still feeling British.

Regards

Skoob.

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is it painful?

Just the top lip JO

A mite stiff don't you know.

Regards

Skoob.

I feel British,
Oh, so British.
I feel British and witish and rhye.
And it's all because
A British twitish
Fitish in Fie.


Do fuckin what?

great to dance to I bet!

I feel British
Oh so British
I feel British and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any man who isn't me tonight.

Well said Doc

I put you in a story tonight.

Arsehole Shoplifter Caught Red Rubber Glove Handed.

Or somesuch.

Hasn't passed Editorial yet.

Regards

Skoob.

Your Granny Skoob!

Oh the lord bless us and save us, your poor Granny.





(Note the capital G on 'Granny')