Discussion Forum

Sent to me today, made me smile...............

IDIOT SIGHTING No.1

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the girl a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a Twenty pence piece.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but that way you can just give me a pound back.'
She was puzzled and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The girl then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change!
Do not confuse the staff at MacD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING No.2

We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Madam, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two...'
We haven't used Garador repair since.
Happened in Moor Park , Nr Watford UK


IDIOT SIGHTING No.3

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local town council office to request the removal of the "DEER CROSSING" sign on our road. She said the reason was: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
Story from Potters Bar, Herts , UK

IDIOT SIGHTING No.4

My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
From South Oxhey Herts , UK ...

IDIOT SIGHTING No.5

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an Irish airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened Luton Airport ... UK

IDIOT SIGHTING No.6

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a Local County Council employee in Harrow, Middlesex , UK

IDIOT SIGHTING No.7

When my husband and I arrived at Our Local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I have already done that side.'
This was at Ford dealership in St Albans, Hertfordshire , UK .

IDIOT SIGHTING No.8

A coach party were out for the day, stopped off at a refreshment halt in Hertfordshire and queued up for tea and coffee. One group asked for "Six decaffeinated, please." To which the girl replied: " Sorry, we only do coffee!"
Story from Luton Probus.

Splendid stuff!

I particularly liked the garage door one. "pass me the spanner." "you are a spanner".

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Quote: Earl Grey

Splendid stuff!

I particularly liked the garage door one. "pass me the spanner." "you are a spanner".

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Hey Earl hows the Stalag holding?

Yes ol Birbee certainly wrote some winners there, good stuff!

JO

Birbee me old mate do you live in herts? Sounds like it.

Idiot sighting sometime ago - Mike Meehan building my mum's kitchen. Mum complained that her sponges were coming out lopsided since he had "levelled" the floor. He didn't believe her till she showed her and I showed him how a ball ran from one side to the other. He wasn't convinced so I got out my spirit level showing him the bubble up one end. He takes a matchbox out of his pocket, breaks it up puts it under one end of the level shows me the bubble now in the middle and say "there that's fixed it".

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Quote: Lynton

Birbee me old mate do you live in herts? Sounds like it.

Idiot sighting sometime ago - Mike Meehan building my mum's kitchen. Mum complained that her sponges were coming out lopsided since he had "levelled" the floor. He didn't believe her till she showed her and I showed him how a ball ran from one side to the other. He wasn't convinced so I got out my spirit level showing him the bubble up one end. He takes a matchbox out of his pocket, breaks it up puts it under one end of the level shows me the bubble now in the middle and say "there that's fixed it".

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...nothing like a good 'shimming'...just ask Fergie...once a week is about right to set you straight and get you back on level....

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Quote: Lynton

Birbee me old mate do you live in herts? Sounds like it.

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Funnily enough, no.

The clue to where I live is in my avatar and writer tag..............

Ey-up.

Some idiot sightings I personally wrote up in the past:

Dumb Questions

More Dumb Questions

The Golden Idiot Awards

Great stuff birbee.

Also J-Man's three articles - 5 stars all round.

It feels great to laugh after a long day at work.

Thanks guys!

Regards

Skoob.

I know a small store owner who hired a teenager that couldn't read an analogue clock.

I met a French Canadian who bought a new chain saw, cut a cord of wood, and took it back to the dealer that night to get it sharpened.

The dealer sharpened it, and started it up to check that all was ok.

The French Candian was scared shitless..."What's that noise!!!," he shrieked!

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Quote: Lynton

Birbee me old mate do you live in herts? Sounds like it.

Idiot sighting sometime ago - Mike Meehan building my mum's kitchen. Mum complained that her sponges were coming out lopsided since he had "levelled" the floor. He didn't believe her till she showed her and I showed him how a ball ran from one side to the other. He wasn't convinced so I got out my spirit level showing him the bubble up one end. He takes a matchbox out of his pocket, breaks it up puts it under one end of the level shows me the bubble now in the middle and say "there that's fixed it".

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He's one of ours Morse.
He carries the sacred matches.

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Quote: Fergus McCarthy

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Quote: Lynton

Birbee me old mate do you live in herts? Sounds like it.

Idiot sighting sometime ago - Mike Meehan building my mum's kitchen. Mum complained that her sponges were coming out lopsided since he had "levelled" the floor. He didn't believe her till she showed her and I showed him how a ball ran from one side to the other. He wasn't convinced so I got out my spirit level showing him the bubble up one end. He takes a matchbox out of his pocket, breaks it up puts it under one end of the level shows me the bubble now in the middle and say "there that's fixed it".

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He's one of ours Morse.
He carries the sacred matches.

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...hope he wets the end first before he sticks it in....my insurance didn't cover ACTS of GOD....or blasting....or synthetic Stucco Work....

Up In maine we had to blast just to put in a septic system, let alone a full foundation....I had one job that was a $100k blasting job for a residential house!

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Quote: Morse

I had one job that was a $100k blasting job for a residential house!

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The last big site I was on they had to blast about 20 acres of rock to get to level, so they'd drill for a few days and then the explosives lads would be called in, they were always escorted buy two plain clothes, armed policemen in a brightly marked squad car just in case.

The two lads sat there in the squad car all day with the lights flashing reading the papers and drinking coffee untill the blast time. About 70 of us were gathered on a hill ready to watch the blast. The Gardai are meant to escort the Bang Van all the way back to the depot but when the Guard tried to start the car it chugged slightly and the sirens made a short, strangled Oohwhoouu! Type sound and the car refused to start, they'd ran the battery dead with the lights on all day.


They took the countdown from 10 well.

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Quote: Fergus McCarthy

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Quote: Morse

I had one job that was a $100k blasting job for a residential house!

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The last big site I was on they had to blast about 20 acres of rock to get to level, so they'd drill for a few days and then the explosives lads would be called in, they were always escorted buy two plain clothes, armed policemen in a brightly marked squad car just in case.

The two lads sat there in the squad car all day with the lights flashing reading the papers and drinking coffee untill the blast time. About 70 of us were gathered on a hill ready to watch the blast. The Gardai are meant to escort the Bang Van all the way back to the depot but when the Guard tried to start the car it chugged slightly and the sirens made a short, strangled Oohwhoouu! Type sound and the car refused to start, they'd ran the battery dead with the lights on all day.


They took the countdown from 10 well.

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that had to be a big boom!

Our guys were good, drill, stuff, bring in the mats...Poof..and you had a bunch of crushed granite...putting in a foundation and slab however, and making sure you had drainage was another major episode....

no body was happy if they got their feet wet in a finished basement....!

Save any Caps???

Caps?

Mats?

Drainage?!

Huh?


Huh?


Huh?


Caps?


Mats?


Bats?


Rats?


Cats?


Drainage?


Mats?


Good game this.

Wondered what that cap was for.

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Quote: Morse

I met a French Canadian who bought a new chain saw, cut a cord of wood, and took it back to the dealer that night to get it sharpened.

The dealer sharpened it, and started it up to check that all was ok.

The French Candian was scared shitless..."What's that noise!!!," he shrieked!

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Monkey Woods! Oh how I've missed you.


I'm trying to talk about blowing things up and Morse is talking textiles, And! He claims not to have a fan mail box in his writers desk.

There was a blaster named Blaster Dave

His motto was "People swear by us"

They say "Dave, Blasphemy!"

Back to the title.

Where is Jesus Budda?

Blyan Lobson! Blyan Lobson!

I once had an employee named 'Tom'...Not exactly the brightest bulb on the string, but a hard working man. I came into the warehouse one morning and I see Tom looking intently down at the floor holding a keyring, I assumed he had dropped a key. So I asked. He said yes, he dropped a real small key and was looking for it. Of course, I looked too. After several moments I asked him, "Tom, are you sure you lost it here?"
He replies, "No, but there's more light over here."

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Quote: Fergus McCarthy

Caps?

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Morse is full of exploding things, they normally exit via the rear?