Simon Cowell - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 26 April 2012

I woke up this morning and was completely dismayed not to see any mention of my name in the papers. Not even a word byte in the colour supplement. Really, what has the press come to in this country? Don't they appreciate talent and inordinate skill anymore? I mean Reggie Dwight seems to get a shirtload of columns, particularly from the Sun, when he just wiggles his finger. I'm far and away the most significant personality in this country since William the Conqueror. I command the respect of every working class pleb with my shows so dammit why don't the press conform accordingly. I think I just heard my mobile phone ring. Hopefully that's Rupert ringing to say sorry!