Sarah Palin - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 14 February 2010

Dear Diary,

Today's is Valentine's Day, that most important day of the year when political rivals set aside their anger to trade chocolate and tender endearments. Valentine's Day is a valuable holiday grounded in ancient Roman oration, degradation and assassination traditions, since gifts and platitudes can be useful when setting up a rival for the kill. Today the apple is good, but tomorrow . . . ? Your opponents will never know when the candy is laced with cyanide.

Anyway, I am slightly disappointed that my former running mate, John McCain, has not taken this opportunity to declare that he will support my stab at the Oval Office in 2012. Naturally, since I have officially declared my candidacy, he probably thinks it wouldn't be prudent. (P.R.U.D.E.N.T. Do you like that word? Of course, you do. The new tutor the nice people at FOX hired taught me that word.) I hope I learn more new words tomorrow.

My tutor suggested that I practice keeping my 'to do' list in this diary, instead of on my hands and arms. (I guess that means it is still okay to leave 'wash me' on my ass.)
Therefore (yes, that is a word that has more than 6 letters), I am going to update my 'to do' list everyday, starting now.

Sarah Palin's Epic 'To Do' List
1. Call John McCain and threaten to tell everyone how he prepositioned me
2. Explain to McCain that I know the difference between a preposition and a proposition
3. Send the new FOX intern flowers
4. Explain to him that I know what sexual harassment is
5. Start a rumor that Katie Couric is going to run for President of the United States.
6. Ask the new tutor how far Canada is from the United States.

Laters, Sarah


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