Fern Britton - My Fake Diary

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Had a dream last night that I got a job as John Prescott's secretary in the House of Commons.

He introduced himself to me as 'Mr Common'. I thought this mean't he was the main man in the place, but not it just meant he was common as muck.
He got me to dictate a letter to a trade union leader, which took five minutes, after that he dropped his trousers and asked me to 'jump on love'.
Well I didn't want to get sacked on my first day so I did as he said, and afterwards he gave me a chocolate biscuit. He told me the main roles of the job were rumpy-pumpy and keeping his diary. But on accounts was I to keep my own diary.