Boris Johnson - My Fake Diary

Saturday, 4 August 2012

Read this on the Sabotage Times:

And yet someone, somewhere, thought it would be a bally excellent idea to have the vaguely anthropomorphic swirl of hair and gibberish ride a zip line into Victoria Park, sporting enough national symbolism to make a version of Geri's infamous Spice dress for every member of Team GB, with MC Hammer pants to match. Because there's no way - no way AT ALL - this combination of elements could ever result in some form of gaffe: Boris Johnson, a public event, cameras, flags, and a zip line. Just read that list again. You can't be surprised that it didn't go to plan any more than you can be surprised that your hand goes through a piece of Tesco Value bog roll. Cause - effect. It's a universal constant.

So when the inevitable happened and Boris' zipline halted halfway through its journey - leaving the legs of London's most senior elected representative flailing like unmanned fireman's hoses - the sheer number of simultaneous facepalms was so great that it gave off the sound of a rapturous applause.

We were not surprised.

Not even disappointed.

Just…yeah, it's Boris.

Good that... I think?