Alan Sugar - My Fake Diary

Friday, 23 March 2012

Would you Adam an Eve it! Last night I ditched that bird from The Apprentice, partly because she had more rabbit than a cosmetic testing lab, but mostly because she worked for a bank… and nothing keeps the punters on side like a bit of banker bashing. Anyway, first thing this morning I've got three monkeys from the Bulgarian mafia in me office, pointing shootas at me.

I made a deal with them, I let them kick Karren's head in as long as they promised not to shoot me or mess up my Saville Row suit. She's going to be so pissed off with me. Never mind, a dab of make up and a few staples in her kneecaps and she'll be as good as new for the next program. That's why I'm so good at business - I'm always looking for a deal where everyone wins.