Bentleyville, USA (AP)- Al Roker never predicted a rapturous burst of the power of prayer in his weekend forecast. The Child Soldiers For Christ youth group had assembled at their regular "divine debriefing" Sunday morning service when a loud nois...
Bentlyville (AP)- Who says Bentleyville isn't a tourist destination? The population of the small town has swelled dramatically since news of a local barkeep's bizarre discovery swept through the sleepy community, and far beyond. "I was just staring a...
The leggy blonde behind the microphone clears her throat one final time. The capacity crowd-already restless in anticipation of the first pitch on Opening Day-struggles to temper themselves. The players line the base paths, hats over hearts, shifting their weight from leg to leg as nerves tighten. Finally, a silky but dynamic voice fills the stadium. Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early...
My intergalactic search to identify a suitable starting goaltender has taken me to the far-off desert planet of Tatoonie. I have observed someone/something who I believe we should consider offering a long-term contract: a Hutt crime lord known as Jabba. Pros: Jabba the Hutt has several natural advantages-especially physically-that I believe would allow him to become an exemplary netminder. Hi...
First of all, all Americans owe Toby Keith a long overdue thank you for releasing the kick-ass song Brought To You Courtesy Of The Red, White, And Blue as the dust cleared after the tragedy on 9/11. Since he warned the Jihadists of the world that he would "put a boot in their ass because it's the American way," how many domestic terror attacks has the US sustained in the last nearly 10 years? Exa...
Granite Co.- Chuck Unger, the typically reserved and grizzled dairy farmer from Tuckersville, Pa., is now officially a freak. Well, at least from August 21-27. Organizers of the Granite County Fair, an extremely popular annual event, have decid...
Shake-ups abound after another raucous week of underhand toss competition. Week 7 has proven that the dynamics of an entire league can be drastically altered overnight; all it takes is the world's worst managerial decision (comon', pinch hitting a man in a coma!?), an entire team whose namesake has filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy Protection, and the arrest of a certain right fielder (yeah, that s...
Tuckersville, Pa.- Nine-year-old roller coaster enthusiast Elliot Karstens has set off a firestorm among the residents of his rural Pennsylvania town by overcoming steep odds and defeating a rare form of lung cancer. A little more than a year ago...
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