Beige-ing, China - On Friday, China got extra super pissy about Nancy Pelosi giving them the giant foam finger by visiting Taiwan, and they decided to take direct action against ole Nancy. Firstly, they sanctioned her and her entire family, even…
Washington DC - A poll of younger voters say that Biden's new catch phrase, 'Hey, Get Off My Lawn!' isn't really doing much for them. "Look, we understand," explained Riley Zipher, a 20 year old that was in DC on a family trip, and overheard Biden…
Belguim — Official flag counters at The European Flag Counters Of Europe (OFCOE) Headquarters in Brussels, have released the sales figures for all European Flag Sales in the last year. Many were down...but not Ukraine! "We didn't have enough paper…
London, UK - Always looking to gain the upper edge on the competition, some travel booking websites are now offering tickets for refugees to be smuggled to the destination of their choice. Indeed, we checked several top name travel sites and found…
American golf legend, Phil Mickelson, had officially pulled out of the 2022 Masters golf tournament, but announced this week that he will play, only under a different name...and with a fake mustache and large brimmed hat. Mickelson has been shunne…
Kingston, Jamaica - Upon hearing the stunning news that Jamaica will no longer recognize the Queen as their head of state, Harry and Megan have announced that they will soon be moving to the reefer-loving Caribbean island. 'We totally get it, mon,…
Kiev - Ukraine's President Zelensky will return to his former job, to perform an hour and half comedy special, promoting renewed peace between Ukraine and Russia. But many Ukrainians are skeptical that it will work. "I am with our President, but I…
Moscow, Russia - Boris Meatchewski watched his television in anguish as many Western Corporations were shutting their doors in Russia. Why? The next day, Mr. Meatchewski's local MacDonald's, said they would be shutting their doors, too. "With no…
Klurkoff, Poland - Just when you think that it might be difficult to find even the slightest glimmer of a sliver lining to the Ukraine terror, Polish single dudes living anywhere near the Ukraine border are over the moon right now! Slakov Kawolski…
Bezos is said to have had another epiphany on one of his late night rocket rides to the edge of space: Why not just rename his Whole Foods stores for what they are best known for, the hottie MILFs in almost every isle. A survey showed that pretty…
NY - Just before he died, the singer Meatloaf told his nurse the five things that he wouldn't do for love, answering the burning question from his hit song, I Would Do Anything For Love (but I won't do that.) Although the nurse actually had no ide…
TEXAS - Chippendale's male exotic dancers are booked solid with their new act, The 'Ins'erection' Strippers. "Man, you wouldn't believe how many horny Trump hags there are out there in the suburbs," told Butch Manly, the head of the Chippendale da…
Mumbia, India - With the surge of the Omicron variant, the Indian official in charge of monitoring gathers of any sort, has set the maximum safety number at 5000. "There are a lot of things to gather about this time of year," said Mahendra Achooin…
Amtrak, known for mostly keeping their trains on the track, have announced that starting today, they will be offering $2 boxcar services, to accommodate the growing number of low wage commuters, and ticket-dodgers. "Our crackerjack marketing team…
Washington, D.C. - America's favorite Muppet doctor, Dr. Anthony Fauci, has admitted that he has taken 6453 Covid vaccine shots, and he feels totally fine! Fauci said that he has recieved so many shots because every time he meets someone that won'…
Mara -a -Hole, FL - After catching a whiff of Kyle Rittenhouse's fame, and the popularity of his acquittal for shooting BLM protesters, Trump has decided to claim self defense on the Capitol riot investigations. Although no legal scholar could fin…
Trump supporters are taking their loathing of anything that even has a whiff of democracy to the next level. And now, they are aiming their AR-15's straight at Santa Claus! Right wings news outfits have recently referred to him as a, 'Flaming libe…
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