Top US Headlines
O.J. Simpson To Be Released From Prison
LAS VEGAS - Many people were shocked to learn that O.J. Simpson, who was sentenced to serve 33 years in prison, could be released by Labor Day.
A spokesperson for Nevada's Lovelock Correctional Center stated that Simpson, who has ballooned up to 3...
WTF 'Landowner who spent $500,000 restoring dead Norfolk broad faces prosecution' as story puzzles Yanks?
NYC, New York - "Says right here some guy's going to jail maybe for spending half a million on a dead Norfolk broad," a puzzled Upper East Side taxicab driver said today, "some kinda necrophilia stunt, eh, like you Brits are SO kinky?"
The fast-br...
Retired Norfolk oil exec Reg Patton Boggs drawn into Ecuador Amazonbotch pollution saga
New York - A New York judge presiding over a forthcoming Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act [RICO] lawsuit brought by super major Chevron against supporters of an Ecuadorean $19billion embezzlement fraud is to rule whether a retired U...
Fart Farm advocate accused of fudging data---threatens Fart Wars
The Raleigh News & Observer clamed in a front page editorial this morning that Senator T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg had "fudged the data" in claiming that his proposed Fart Farms could solve the state's energy problems. "This is not the first time...
Man In Des Moines Wants To Marry Goat
The issue of gay marriage is a very hot topic right now with two, and only two, sides to the argument. One side says homosexuals should be allowed to marry, while the other side says it's repulsive and will lead to people marrying animals just becaus...
Benghazi - Space Aliens Admit Dropping Obama Brain
WASHINGTON, DC - On the afternoon of September 11, 2012, the White House began pre-party warmups, unaware of an impending attack in Benghazi, Libya. Young staffers, election strategists, and political aides walked through the halls, pointing at each...
Obama Administration to Establish New Department of Truth
In view of the recent scandals and persistent questions from the press and Republicans demanding that the White House explain variations in its responses on a host of so-called scandals - from Benghazi to the wiretapping of Associated Press reporters...
Ruling Authority announces first congressional draft
In its first pick in the new congressional draft, the Ruling Authority selected Arnold Sayers of New Ipswitch, Maine. The thirty-eight year old plumber was dragged kicking and screaming from his home to replace Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama, also...
Barack Obama Resigns as USA president
Last night,the president of the United States of America Barack Obama resigned for unknown reason's according to CNN News.His replacement might be actor Morgan Freeman or NBA star Kobe Bryant.
Police now training: Glasses can be guns
Chicago - Police spokesperson S. Wineburger of the Chicago Police Department announced today that anyone pointing glasses at police conducting official business may be shot.
It was previously reported here that police are now trained to shoot anyo...
Parents May Not Be Strict Enough
DES MOINES-Studies have shown recently that parents may be raising their kids wrong.
"For years parents have believed that it's ok, and even a good thing, to give their kids some freedom," said child and teen psychologist Harold Berzinski in an i...
75% of Angels Believe Americans Are Really, Really Gullible
In recent polling by the Phew Research Center for Celestial Affairs, nearly three-fourths of the angels polled in a survey indicated that they think Americans who believe that guardian angels watch over everything they do day in and day out are eithe...
Cleaver craze gives under-pressure Obama the perfect distraction
A dangerous new cleaver-juggling craze in America threatens to cut a deep gash in the population as President Obama, clearly bedraggled from recent Congress pressure, declared his support for the extreme sport.
The craze was started by Lincoln Abr...
The Gambling Gynecologist and The Sound of Money
MILWAUKEE - Local gynecologist Dr. Wilmer Wigglemeister has practiced in Milwaukee for the past 19 years.
But lately he had noticed a drop in the number of patients he was seeing.
He talked to fellow local gynecologists and learned that their b...
EStalker matches victims with stalkers
The internet has a new website dedicated to bringing compatible people together. It is called EStalker and, like dating sites which match people who would probably not otherwise meet based on commonalities, EStalker uses a state of the art algorithm...
ESPN's Stephen A. Smith to debate all Twitter followers
Citing his passion for debate, flare for commentary and overarching desire to make others feel mentally dominated, ESPN sports anchor Stephen A. Smith has announced plans to debate each of his followers on Twitter.
The event, which Smith has dubbe...
The Pennsylvania State Senate Unanimously Bans Twerking
HARRISBURG, Pennsylvania - The State of Pennsylvania has become the first one in the nation to ban the new fad known as Twerking.
The state senate voted 50-0 to outlaw the practice and issue heavy fines to individuals caught doing what Senator Con...
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Paper Plane's Protracted Problems Persist
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Just how close is Barack Obama to the KGB?
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White House Uncertain of which Line Crossed, Obama Possibly Colorblind
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