J. Alfred Frimley 2 - A night by the fire

I am sorry to have left it a while, but we had a little problem with the gas boiler and the heating hasn't been working and the drains are blocked. But every cloud has a silver lining and I've been able to use the chimney for the first time in years. I had to break up one of the kitchen chairs for the fire though. But since there's only me and there are three left it doesn't matter. I don't suppose mum or auntie Vi will be using them again.

I have found too that with the central heating off the smell from the drains and the downstairs bedrooms doesn't get so bad either so I'm not grumbling, anyway the plumber is coming tomorrow.

Grumbling! I grumbled the other day when I phoned the council. Gonzopoorn our home help has been sick for two weeks so the colostomy bags were mounting up and I didn't know what to do with them because she dealt with all that, I just put them in a big black bag.

We have so many different bins for the rubbish these days. The lady at the council asked me when I phoned what sort of rubbish it was. I asked how many sorts are there. She said, well is it garden rubbish? I said no. Household rubbish? I said it comes from the house. Well is it food waste? I said well technically part of it definitely is but I'm not sure, how do you mean? You know, potato peelings that sort of thing. No nothing like that. Well is it a container like a tin can or plastic bag you can wash out down the sink? Well not the sink. The toilet? That's blocked. So it went on for an hour.

In the end I had a good idea. Now I've been taking them over the allotment for a week and emptied them out. This year is the best crop of late tomatoes I've had for a good while. Trouble is I brought the bags back and flushed them down the loo. That's why the drain's blocked.

Anyway I'm all warm and cosy now beside the fire with Cledwyn our cat sitting beside me. I let him do that now because since I found out that cattynosh gave him terrible wind and changed him over to kittymeat I don't have to put him out any more.

The nights are quite cold now so I bought a pair of slippers, you know those ones that have a big Velcro flap that wraps around; the ones that make it look as if you had polio when you a kid or trench foot in the war. I got them out of an advert in the Saturday daily Mail, I only saw them because I was looking at another ad for incontinence sheets that looked useful, but I didn't need a gross. On cold nights you can even put a few sheets of newspaper in the slippers for extra warmth.

My friend Wilf Turnbull is on facebook or whatever they call it but I can't find out how to use it because Wayne has gone off to Ibizia or somewhere like that and won't be back for two weeks. I'll ask Gonzopoorn if she does this face stuff when she comes on Friday. Mr. Chigley said she might because she knows a lot of things. I think he misses his massage, because he's been walking funny all week-end.

Have to go now, the knocking has started

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